stay at home wives | The Overeducated Housewife

Today’s featured photo was taken from our car as we drove through Italy, on the way north. It’s a place called Silandro/Schlanders, and it’s in the Sud Tyrolean region. I’m thinking I’d like to go there with Bill, which I can easily do, since I’m a childfree homemaker.

Before I get too cranked up with today’s post, I want to thank those who took the time to read yesterday’s post, which did get some decent traffic. I got a few nice Facebook comments that were also much appreciated. Honestly, yesterday’s post was created out of my lack of a burning topic to write about, other than politics and religion. I just didn’t feel like going there yesterday, although I know there is a lot I could discuss.

Like, for instance, yesterday I did read a story about how some guy broke into a Latter-day Saint meetinghouse in Provo, Utah, where he proceeded to steal and eat four chicken nuggets. For this crime, he is now facing a third degree felony charge of burglary. Yes, it’s ridiculous, and yes I could rant about it… and maybe I eventually will.

The problem is, that kind of post has a limited shelf life. Moreover, while I could write about how ironic it is that the Mormons, who usually pride themselves on helping the down and out, are pressing charges against an apparently hungry man, I just don’t feel like it today. I do agree that it was wrong for the guy to break into the church and steal chicken nuggets. But I also hope the local prosecutor has some common sense.

Anyway, moving on to today’s actual topic…

Yesterday, I happened to see an Am I the Asshole (AITA) post on “God’s” Facebook page that made me pause. It was about a guy who asked if he was the asshole for mocking his date for wanting to be a “childfree housewife”. If you know me, you know why I stopped to read the post and its comments. Basically, that’s been my life situation since 2002.

Below is the original Reddit post:

My opinion? Yes, you are the asshole for laughing… and for not having a broad enough perspective to realize that a lot of people have done the ‘impossible” and found someone to “take that deal”. I happen to be one of them.

I hasten to add, being a childfree housewife was never my goal. I did plan to have a career, and I also wanted children. That just isn’t how my life went. I realize that the way my situation turned out isn’t the norm, but it’s not completely unheard of, either. While I can understand why the guy on Reddit chuckled at the woman he was dating, I also think people who mock other people– especially when they clearly haven’t done a lot of thinking about the reason they’re mocking– are usually assholes. And in this case, I can see why this fellow is still looking for a wife.

I read quite a few comments, many of which seemed to come from men who claim that this arrangement would be totally unfair. Other comments came from women who seemed angry, and were kind of seething about it, as if they were envious. A few people were reasonable. One lady said she’d like to be a “stay at home dog mom” and wondered if that’s a thing. I’m here to tell her that yes, indeed, being a dog mom is a thing for some of us.

I didn’t really want to share my story, because I knew it would likely invite shitty comments from people. So I just wrote:

“It’s not a bad gig.”

And it’s not, in my case. I pretty much do what I like most days, although I do have housekeeping chores that I stick to. I’m not expected or required to do these things. It’s not like Bill will come home and scream at me if I forget to wash the sheets or something. I do the chores because they keep the house running smoothly and help us maintain basic hygiene. Bill and I aren’t neat freaks, but we do like our environment to be basically clean and pleasant. So yes, I do housework. So does he, when he’s available. He also does most of the cooking, although I taught him a lot of what he knows.

I woke up to a comment from some chick named Jodi who decided to tell me off. Here’s what she wrote, unedited:

Being stuck with no funds and under the financial control of someone who knows you depend on them to keep a roof over your head isn’t a great gig. Being a guy’s maid/cook/therapist/errand-runner/personal assistant and bang maid, all unpaid, sounds like utter hell. Dudes wouldn’t jump at this situation as much as they do, if they didn’t plan on taking full advantage of it and benefitting from it themselves.

Wow… I think Jodi’s been hanging around the wrong kinds of men. Below is my response:

It really depends on the situation and the people involved, doesn’t it? Not all men are like that.

I hadn’t planned to be a “stay at home wife” when I met my husband, but he was in the Army, and we moved constantly… I’m talking 5 times in 7 years! And we don’t have children because he had them in his first marriage and got snipped. Then we moved to Europe, where he works as a contractor, and it’s not so easy for a spouse to get a career type job if they don’t have a military background (which I don’t).

But we’re celebrating 21 years in November. We get along beautifully and have a great life. And no, I don’t sit on my ass all day and eat bon-bons, nor am I stuck with no funds and no say in anything. We are a partnership, and function as such. I know my situation is not the norm, but it’s probably not as uncommon as some folks on this post seem to think.

I mean, there’s a whole lot more to my story than that. If you’ve been reading my blog, you probably already know some of it. When I was younger, I certainly didn’t aspire to do what I do in 2023. I did want to be a writer, but I never expected that writing would actually be how I earn what little money I do make. I probably could make more money if I tried. In the past, I made over $40 an hour writing and researching for different organizations. But that was as a freelancer in the Washington, DC area. Obviously I don’t live there anymore, and when you move all the time, it becomes very difficult to make connections. I’m not proud of it but, with Bill’s blessing, I eventually quit trying. Much to my surprise, it’s all worked out fine.

This doesn’t mean that I don’t worry about the future. Bill and I both know that things can change in a heartbeat. For that reason, I’ve been saving and investing money for years. With his blessing, every time Bill gets paid, I invest a few hundred dollars. What started as a one thousand dollar investment is now well over 50 times that. We have several certificates of deposits, a few savings accounts, life insurance policies for both of us, and at least one IRA (Bill handles that part). I also stay out of debt as much as possible. We paid off all of my credit cards and my student loans. I research things so Bill doesn’t have to. For example, it’s because of my insistence that we got German legal insurance, which certainly came in handy for us.

I wanted to have children, and we did try. Bill had his vasectomy reversed. It didn’t work out for us, and we couldn’t/didn’t want to spend the money for help with our fertility issues. In the early years, we struggled for money, and I couldn’t see going further into debt for the chance to have a baby– even though it would have been comparatively inexpensive through the military. However, going through IVF or another treatment also would have been very impractical, as in the years after Bill had the vasectomy reversal surgery, he went to Iraq.

Then, we moved to Germany the first time. That put us in proximity to the Czech Republic, where some Americans have gone for relatively inexpensive fertility treatments. I’ve read that the Czech Republic is actually one of the best places to get affordable and effective fertility treatments. For a variety of reasons, we didn’t want to go that route ourselves. More power to those who did have children that way. I think I just got to the point at which I was getting older and decided that the chance to be someone’s mother wasn’t a deal breaker in our relationship. Frankly, seeing how the world is faring these days makes me glad I didn’t have children, even if people negatively judge me for having that view.

Living in Germany has been good for us financially– Bill is paid well for what he does. He also has a military retirement that will not end for me if he predeceases me. We are also not going to get divorced. I know a lot of people say that, but if you know us, you know we ain’t gonna be splitting up, because we’re just way too compatible. Well… I probably shouldn’t say that, because you know– you should “never say never”, and I don’t want to tempt fate. But we do have a very solid marriage. We get along beautifully and have a lot of fun. Neither of us has any desire to ever date again. So, barring a completely bizarre situation, I highly doubt we’ll ever be divorcing.

The bottom line is, our method is working fine for us. That doesn’t mean it would work for everyone, nor would I necessarily encourage other people to do what we did. The way I fell into this lifestyle was completely ridiculous and very unexpected on every level. I didn’t aspire to be a housewife, nor did I think I’d be married to a guy in the military. I also never dreamed I’d marry such a kind and generous man. But I fell in love, and I wouldn’t trade my husband for a spot in a cubicle. He treats me like gold. I’d be a complete fool to sacrifice our relationship for the sake of my pride. Our lifestyle is simple, because there’s only one career to manage. That means it’s easier to take trips together, which gives me stuff to write about. It’s also easier when we have to move.

When Bill and I met, I was engaged in a dual degree graduate program that I hoped would finally lead me out of jobs in retail and restaurants. Had I not met him, I probably would be working in Atlanta or D.C. or somewhere else I could use my public health and social work background and international skills. Maybe I would have stayed in South Carolina so I could help turn the state purple with my liberal votes (I can dream, can’t I?).

Clearly, as you can see, that’s not what happened. I met Bill, and he was not in a job where we could choose to stay where I had a career, nor would we want to do that. Some military couples do choose to be separate for certain assignments, so they can both tend to their careers. For many reasons, we didn’t want to do that. The main one is that we enjoy each other’s company too much. And yes, I could get a job– probably even here in Wiesbaden– but it would certainly not be the kind of work I’d want to do… and honestly, we don’t currently need the money. However, there are other Americans in the military community here that do need the work. They can have the job I might have taken, if I’d decided to work somewhere.

I’ve done a lot of thinking about my lot in life. When you’re an overeducated housewife, you have the time to do that. 😉 People have judged me a lot for my choices. I’ve gotten a ration of shit from everyone– from people in my family, to complete strangers on the Internet. Some people think I’m an asshole simply for the title of this blog. They don’t know me, nor do they know the path that put me where I am.

The thing is, I can’t really complain about where I am. I live in a safe, beautiful country that is close to other safe, beautiful countries. I have a wonderful, kind, hardworking, compatible husband who loves me and treats me very well, in spite of my obnoxious personality and fluffy figure. We have more than enough for our needs. So, being a “childfree stay at home spouse” works fine for me… at least for now. I don’t think I made the wrong choices. In fact, looking at my life, I can’t say I’ve made a lot of bad choices. They just aren’t the choices we children of the 70s and 80s were told we should be making.

I’m not saying everyone can or should follow my example. I’m just saying there’s more than one way to get through life. Not everyone’s path is going to be the same. Some people are luckier than others are, and some people make the most of what they have to create good situations. I do think I was lucky, but I also do my part to give us a nice lifestyle, and I am every bit as involved as Bill is in the planning of our life together. It’s not all bon-bons, wine boxes, and daytime TV, you know… 😉

So, that’s my commentary for today. Now to finish this post and tend to Noyzi’s bedding… and maybe our own bedding. I’ve got things to do that don’t involve watching Dr. Phil or dining on Hot Pockets. I might do some music today, too. Catch you all tomorrow, barring anything strange or bizarre happening. 😉

Here’s a disclaimer for the dense… This post is strictly tongue in cheek. Of course I don’t agree with The Transformed Wife’s dumb world views. However, I do kind of live my life in the way she’d approve of… well, except for my love of beer and raunchy movies. And there’s also the fact that I never managed to spawn.

Hidey ho, y’all. It’s Wednesday again. I’m trying to keep smiling, because tomorrow Mr. Bill goes off on another lengthy business trip. I’ll be sitting here alone in my “mansion”, twiddling my thumbs. But I can at least smile a little at one thought. According to The Transformed Wife (aka Lori Alexander), I’m doing at least one thing right in life.

It’s no secret that I don’t get out much on my own. It’s not because I can’t go anywhere. I have a car, money, and three nice cities I could easily explore if I had the inclination. When I was a younger woman, I probably would happily hop in the car and go downtown for shopping, tourism, lunching, or whatever. I might try harder to make local friends to hang out with, too.

But the older I get, the less interested I am in killing time in places where I can spend a lot of money or get into trouble. 😉 I’m also sad to report that I’m not very good at making real friends. In this nomadic military/contractor lifestyle, one tends to see a lot of people come and go… and not everyone can take my personality. At almost 51 years old, I won’t be changing it for anyone. I mean, I could try to change it, but that would probably mean I’d wind up with depression again. So, I gotta be me.

Bwahahaaha… I may belch, fart, and cuss like a truck driver, but I love my husband very much. I am also a damned good cook… however, I have trained Bill to do the cooking. I did teach him a lot of what he knows, though… 😀

What this means is that I stay home a lot. I’m often barefoot, too. I’m not pregnant, and never will be, because I’m about to turn 51. But I do stay in the home and try to keep up with basic housekeeping tasks. Today’s chore is washing the sheets, which are currently in the dryer (edited to add: Now they’re done and on the bed). Since I washed the duvets last week, I’m just doing the sheets today. That’s a treat for me. Since I made music videos yesterday, I never got around to practicing guitar. By the way… today is my third anniversary of guitar playing. I’m not a great player yet, but I’ve mostly been teaching myself, with help from Fender Play.

Too bad I never had kids. But I can take heart. By The Transformed Wife’s standards, I’m doing okay. For about twenty years, I’ve avoided most of the places on her list of evil places in today’s featured photo (screenshot). Her list is incomplete, though. I noticed someone in the Duggar Family News Group mentioned that The Transformed Wife left off the one item that made it most possible for women to leave the home… SHOES! Yeah. Let’s ban shoes for the ladies. That’ll keep ’em home!

The Transformed Wife has got to be one of the world’s biggest hypocrites. It’s not like she lived her life in the way she says women should be living theirs. She condemns social media, yet she gets her message out via social media. She says women shouldn’t work, yet she writes books and blog posts. She has quite a few books for sale on Amazon. Weirdly enough, they seem to get a lot of high ratings… I did read the one star reviews from Amazon raters on one book. I was surprised to see that quite a few were written by people who apparently had studied the Bible and, apparently, took Lori seriously enough to actually buy her drivel. I was expecting to see more comments from the more modern ladies who complain about her in the Duggar Family News group.

I’m sure it’ll come as no surprise to my readers that I certainly don’t agree with Lori Alexander’s thoughts on the best way to live. I think her advice is problematic for many reasons. The main reason it’s problematic, though, is because it’s unrealistic for the vast majority of people living in the 21st century… at least in countries where there’s a high standard of living. Most families with children can’t survive on one person’s paycheck. Aside from that, a lot of women want to work. They find fulfillment in having a career. There is NOTHING wrong with it, nor is there anything wrong with NOT having children. Not everyone is a believer in Christianity or other religions, or Lori’s warped, extremist interpretations of Christianity. She is certainly not an expert on Christian living, either.

I will say this, though… I’m impressed by Lori’s ability to get people to pay attention to her. She has managed to sell books, in spite of not being a particularly skilled writer (in my humblest of opinions, anyway). Even though a lot of people are mocking Lori, she has managed to carve out a niche… a purpose, if you will. Maybe her purpose is to amuse, or maybe it really is to inform or instruct. But nobody has to follow her advice or agree with her opinions. I mainly just find them hysterically funny and way out of touch with reality. Maybe they should scare me more, though, since there does seem to be a vocal minority of Christian extremists who are longer on fire power and dogma than they are good sense and decency.

I’ve heard that Lori doesn’t allow a lot of trolling on her social media accounts. Many Duggar Family News members have posted on her Facebook page and reported that she promptly blocked them. However, a quick look at her page right now shows that some people are getting their derisive messages out to the masses. Here’s a comment one person made… Edited to add: I guess that was an old page that she abandoned. The links in the first and next paragraphs are to her current page. Too bad. My hopes have been dashed! I’m keeping the below image, though, because I did learn from it.

Well, at least I learned a new word by looking on Lori’s (fake) page…

Below is a screenshot from Lori’s current page. Isn’t it interesting that she’s posting this on social media? Does she do it from a computer, a tablet, or a phone? I’m so curious.

*I guess Lori still doesn’t mind if women read and write, as they give up their cars.*

I wonder what Lori would think about my marriage. This year, we’ll celebrate 21 years. It’s mostly been wonderful, in spite of my complaints about Ex and what not. Bill and I are a very good match, and I know I’ve been a good wife to him. It has nothing to do with religion, though. It has to do with mutual respect, regard, compatibility, and sincere friendship. Bill and I want the same or similar things, and we both work hard to achieve them together.

Well… I know a lot of people would like to see Lori Alexander banned from Facebook. I wouldn’t go that far. I think it’s kind of sad that she sees women as second class citizens who need to be totally submissive to their husbands and pumping out babies. But that’s just her opinion, and obviously, some people agree with her opinions.

Part of living in a free society is allowing people to have and express their views. Those who want to shut her down are not much better than the “Taliban-esque” folks who want women to be barefoot, pregnant, handmaid-like wives. So, while I am not a fan of her viewpoints, you can count me among those who do not want to see The Transformed Wife canceled. I just hope those who pay attention to her on a regular basis have the wisdom to realize that a lot of the ideas in what she posts are unworkable and unrealistic, particularly in first world countries. And it’s not likely to lead to true happiness or productivity. Just my two cents… Maybe Lori wouldn’t think I was doing right, though, since I was “selfish” when I was younger and wasted time in graduate school instead of having babies…

But then, it’s probably better, by her yardstick, that people like me don’t breed. 😀

The Overeducated Housewife

Just another boring blog about a boring housewife…

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