Tag Archives: The Love Boat

condescending twatbags, mental health, narcissists, nostalgia, psychology, Twitter, YouTube

“Don’t make me break my foot off in yo’ ass!”

Years ago, I got hooked on the old comedy show, Mad TV. I still laugh at some of the hilarious and decidedly not politically correct skits and sketches they did on that show. One that is sticking out in my head this morning is “That’s My White Mama”. That sketch was a parody of the 70s sitcom, That’s My Mama, which was about a single Black guy whose “tart tongued and opinionated mother” wanted him to settle down and get married.

That’s My Mama aired 39 episodes from 1974-1975. I was two years old in 1974, and we moved to England in 1975, so I didn’t see the show when it originally aired. I do remember there were reruns in syndication, but I never actually watched more than an episode or two. I probably would have liked it. My mom told me that when I was very young, the only show I liked on TV was Good Times.

An episode of That’s My Mama… I never knew that Ted Lange (aka Isaac the bartender on The Love Boat) was on this show…

I am old enough to remember That’s My Mama, and years ago, I got the joke when comedian Artie Lange created his parody of that show. Again, I didn’t see it when it originally aired, because I was in Armenia. But I saw the reruns.

“Don’t make me break my foot off in yo ass!”
“You don’t want to wake up my mama.”

As I’m thinking about that sketch, I’m also reading about Artie Lange’s life. He’s yet another funny man who’s experienced a lot of sadness and tragedy in his life. It seems like some of the most hilarious people have the saddest real life stories. Lange has struggled with drug addiction, run ins with the police, poor academic performance, mental health issues, physical health issues, and a father who became a quadriplegic after he fell off a ladder and broke his back. It’s amazing that even in the wake of so many personal struggles, Lange was still able to be funny.

Yesterday, I wrote about how Ex has apparently had a very difficult time letting her adult children spread their wings and fly out of the nest. I mentioned how, when younger daughter got married, Ex repeatedly called and texted her during her honeymoon. There younger daughter was, probably doing certain things for the very first time, and Ex was interrupting her with invitations to go swimming and eat pizza. That was just one of many revelations we heard about; there were many others and, of course, I’ve been observing for over 20 years. This is a “mama” who doesn’t want her children to live their own lives on their own terms.

This morning, I noticed that Ex was back on Twitter. Someone was trying to organize a group trip to Scotland for all the Twitter folk who like to watch Outlander. Naturally, Ex, who has made no secret about her “dream” of visiting Scotland, expressed a desire to participate. A bunch of people– mostly women, from what I can see– seem very excited about the prospect of the event.

Ex wrote:

This would really be amazing although I feel like a wallflower already… I think I’d feel like one in person, as well.

Bill told me that he and Ex rarely went to “nice” restaurants, because Ex felt uncomfortable in them. They also couldn’t afford to dine in nice places, because Ex was constantly buying stuff– everything from depression glass to new cars– off of Bill’s single paycheck.

When the organizer said she should “save her pennies” to afford the trip, Ex wrote:

Yes but how many?!?! I’ve got three autistic children and desperately need other things, a computer, a car, acting scholarships for my daughter… how could I possibly?!?!

Um… she has five children, four of whom are legal adults, and two of whom are married, and have their own families in other states. Her youngest is 16 years old. He has severe autism, and obviously needs his mother’s help, which he actually gets from Bill’s older daughter. The other two “autistic children” are adults, and they both function well enough to go to college. One of the “children” she writes of is my husband’s 31 year old older daughter, who is reportedly in graduate school, so Ex can sponge off of her student loans.

I also find it interesting that Ex includes needing “acting scholarships for her daughter (who is supposedly also an autistic ‘child’)” as her responsibility. Especially when we learned that Ex’s eldest child actually won a scholarship to an acting school in New York City, but Ex sabotaged it. Now she wants her youngest daughter to find an acting scholarship in Scotland? What if she actually did find one? Would Ex let her go without trying to fuck the whole thing up for her?

Another poster wrote this:

I hope I can make it. I am still not working. I really want to go. And I haven’t even got my passport yet so that’s gonna take some time being out of work is not fun but my rotator cuff injury dictate what I do at this point.

Seems to me that if this person (who is not Ex) has this many obstacles, she should probably not plan on going and focus on improving her situation so she can make realistic plans. I only included her response, though, because Ex followed up with this comment:

I’m with you! I’m about to have surgery on my ankle/Achilles tendon!! Ugh…

And when I read this, I couldn’t help but remember Artie Lange’s funny parody. I said to Bill, “Does she need surgery because she broke her foot off in one of her children’s asses?” In all seriousness, it doesn’t surprise me to hear that she needs surgery. She broke her foot when she and Bill were married, because she was gardening with bare feet. I’ll bet it’s the same ankle that is causing her issues now.

Ex’s final statement on this event, upon learning that tickets to the event in Scotland were “limited”, was this:

Oh Lordy… tickets limited and everything eh? I’m guessing no room for wallflowers after all?

Hmmm… a ploy for sympathy, perhaps? Or some other “pity play”, as H.G. Tudor would put it?

I suppose I’m glad to read that she’s not making plans to go to Scotland, in spite of having so many needs. In the past, she would have just gone, regardless. One time, she went on a trip to an LDS temple, instead of paying the mortgage on the house that she and Bill once owned, and she eventually let go into foreclosure. She claimed the Lord would provide, as she went to the temple, where she claimed that Heavenly Father would not let her spend her life alone. This was a very typical response she had to any serious responsibility she had– the Lord will provide… or maybe more accurately, someone else can be guilted or suckered into taking care of the problem. It never seems to occur to her that her actions have consequences that affect people far and wide. Her choice to go to the temple, rather than pay her mortgage, helped cause the house to go into foreclosure, which affected Bill, and by proxy, also affected me. And I’ve never even met this bitch in person!

I can see that Ex doesn’t care too much about flying anymore, either. One of the excuses she gave Bill for not allowing us to have visits with his daughters was that she was terrified of letting them fly, due to terrorism and the prospect of them dying in a plane crash. I guess she’s over that fear now, since it no longer suits her purposes. 😉 Of course, the real reason she didn’t want them to visit was because she couldn’t stand to allow them out of her sphere of influence, and she was afraid they might want to live with us instead of her and #3. She couldn’t bear the idea of them bonding with their other parent, and getting a break from her relentless ploys for attention and demands for complete obedience and control.

I realize that Ex is mentally ill, and she has real issues that stem from her own traumas. However, I also know that Ex is fully aware that her behaviors are wrong. How do I know? Because she doesn’t let that extreme “control freak” side of her show on social media. Based on what she puts out for public consumption, she’s a devoted mom, and super friendly and “cool”. If you know the truth about her, though, you realize that this is an elaborate facade, designed to recruit new victims.

It also occurs to me that the person who is organizing this event to allow online friends to meet offline is really opening herself up to potential exploitation. But then, I guess one does that whenever one meets someone in person. You just never know what lurks beneath the surface of a person’s outer layer. By all superficial appearances, Ex is a very “normal” person. But the reality is, she’s anything but normal. She has raised four of her five children to adulthood, but she’s still clinging to them and using them to form an identity. She’d like them to treat her like a child and give her that idyllic childhood era back. But she’d also like to be in charge, call all the shots, make all of the decisions about money, and have the ability to kick people out of the house and lure them back in at will…

Younger daughter briefly mentioned that Ex did kick her out of the house once. But then, when younger daughter got married, she wanted to intrude on her honeymoon and get her and her new husband to move back to where she lives… perhaps even in the same house! All I can think of is that it’s a miracle that younger daughter is so functional and sane, given what she’s been through in her life. She truly is a model of resilience.

Well… I’ve probably gone on enough about this. I never got around to practicing guitar yesterday, so I think I’ll log off and tend to that. Besides… I spend too much time fascinated by Ex. Don’t want her to break her foot off in my ass.

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lessons learned, nostalgia, silliness, TV

Life lessons from The Love Boat…

I love watching cheesy TV shows from the 70s and 80s. I especially enjoy watching them when I’m laid up in bed and in need of comfort. Although I’m mostly over the virus that kicked me in the butt all weekend, I was still a touch under the weather for most of Monday. I did experience sort of a second wind later in the day, but not enough of one to call myself “well”. I managed to find the energy to wash all the bed linens and turn on the robot mower 😉 , which I forgot to check on, and later found stuck in the corner of the backyard. I even summoned the energy to walk the dogs in the afternoon, which they both appreciated. But then I came back, hurled, and spent more quality time on the toilet.

Yesterday, I watched The Love Boat, an Aaron Spelling/Douglas Cramer television show that aired on ABC throughout most of my childhood. Someone on YouTube uploaded a bunch of episodes from the 1982-83 season and I found myself glued to them for most of the afternoon. Although most of the plot lines were completely ridiculous and implausible, it was still kind of fun to watch. There are even a few pearls of wisdom within the episodes.

Yes, I did have to suspend belief when I watched the late Eva Gabor (born in 1919) playing the mother of a teenaged boy in the early 80s. It was a bit jarring to see Connie Needham (born in 1959), playing the fiance of her mother’s ex boyfriend Gene Barry (born in 1919), only to have her mom steal him back. I’m sure Alan Hale, Jr. and Bob Denver, both of whom were best known for their roles on Gilligan’s Island, had a great time on the show. It’s a trip to watch the crew members romancing the passengers as they live in huge, sumptuous quarters that I know are not the reality for actual cruise crew members. But still, I remember yesterday afternoon, actually stopping in my tracks to ponder when Dr. Adam Bricker (played by Bernie Kopell) said something unexpectedly profound. Or, at least I thought it was profound when he said it… I wish I could remember what he said at this moment, but alas, the thought has passed. Oh well, next time, I’ll make a note of it.

It’s always a treat to see Charo perform. Seriously– Charo is a very talented entertainer, especially when she plays guitar. She was a staple on The Love Boat, though, and I don’t think I ever need to watch her sing “Physical” again. My respect for Charo came when she was on The Surreal Life around 2004 or so. Even though that was a silly show, Charo showed everyone that she’s a lot smarter than anyone ever gave her credit for in her heyday, and she can REALLY play guitar.

Granted, this is supposed to be tacky and obnoxious, but it kind of goes beyond the pale. Charo later said she “cuchi cuchi-ed” all the way to the bank! I think I see a little Las Vegas era Tina Turner in this performance.

The Love Boat also did a couple of on location two-parters during that time period that were fun to watch, especially since Bill and I have been to some of the places they went. In 2013, we did our last SeaDream cruise from Rome to Athens, which included pre-cruise stops in Venice and Florence. The Love Boat, which usually focused on cruises to Mexico, went to Italy and Greece. They did one two-parter based on an Italian cruise, and one was based on a Greek cruise. I noticed they had some pretty high ranking guests for those episodes, too. Both specials made me want to travel! I have wanderlust anyway, but COVID-19 has made it more intense.

I’m sure all of the footage for the Italy and Greece episodes was filmed at the same time, production costs being what they were. I came to the conclusion they were filmed at the same time because I noticed that Lauren Tewes’ hair was the same “Sun-In” bleached blonde in both of the specials, plus they used the same footage of a TWA plane taking off. Forty years later, I’m amazed that people in the 80s thought that orange hydroxide look was attractive. Lisa Whelchel, who guested on the Greek special, had the same bleached hair with brassy overtones. It was pretty ghastly. As I watched the show, I realized it was work for everyone involved. But it also looked like a lot of fun to film.

I know this is a common phenomenon, but it seems like life was a lot more fun in the 80s… I know it probably wasn’t, for many reasons, but I was a kid back then. Actually, looking back on it, the 80s were hard for me, personally, because that was when I was growing up, and I didn’t have the greatest childhood. But we had all these feel good TV shows that were light entertainment. The Love Boat always had happy endings, with people falling in love, getting married, or discovering a new path in life. The staff on the ship was caring, friendly, and always invested in seeing that everyone had a good time. The Love Boat and Fantasy Island were great shows to watch on Saturday nights when I was growing up– at least until we had The Golden Girls, which was a much better show on all levels.

Granted, The Love Boat definitely jumped the shark around the time they kicked Lauren Tewes (cruise director Julie McCoy) off the show because of her cocaine addiction and other issues, but it always featured old movie stars alongside up and coming stars of the 80s. It was great fun to watch when I was a kid, and probably more fun to watch now for entirely different reasons. I could imagine someone turning it into a Mystery Science Theater 3000 type of show, where there are snarky comments made for every ridiculous scenario, cheesy band number, or godawful evening gown. Also, I noticed all the women wore dresses no matter what, many of which were pretty frumpy and uncomfortable looking, even if they weren’t having dinner.

As a child, I was oddly enchanted by evening gowns and fancy events. It’s probably because I used to love reading fairytales. I also used to love watching beauty pageants, not because I believed in evaluating women by their looks, but because I loved the evening gowns. I liked the colors and designs. But times change, and just like The Love Boat and silly shows like it, beauty pageants have also gone out of style. Even Miss America, which was probably the most prestigious pageant, has changed its focus more toward promoting scholarship and community service than beauty. I think that’s a positive thing, but I must admit that as a kid, I loved the glamour of 80s television. It was fun to revisit it over the past couple of days, watching The Love Boat, a televised intellectual equivalent to empty calories.

Having now been on some cruises myself, I now realize that there’s a price to be paid for wearing fancy duds, and not just at the cash register. I have a few sparkly dresses, but I don’t wear them well. I find them uncomfortable, and I never want to spend a lot of money on dresses that I won’t wear more than a time or two. Consequently, I don’t really look smashing in an evening gown. Even if I had a really cute figure, I think I would rather just wear a nightgown with no bra, rather than a hot evening dress that is always too long for me and heavy with sequins. And that is exactly what I did yesterday, as my stomach and intestines launched into a few more revolts. I did feel markedly better yesterday, but I wasn’t quite all the way…

Well, I’m happy to report that today, I feel 100% better. I have a spark of energy, and I managed to eat a banana, toast with butter, and drink two cups of coffee with cream without feeling like I needed to puke. I’m sure there will be some residual crud from the virus my body seems to have vanquished, but I think I’m on the mend. It was the first time I’ve been sick in ages. In fact, I don’t remember the last sickness I’ve experienced since moving to Wiesbaden. I was sick more often in Stuttgart, probably because Bill was always traveling to Africa and exposing me to exotic pathogens.

One thing I’ve learned from being sick for the past few days is that I needed a reminder that I don’t enjoy the experience of sickness. In fact, perhaps the most important lesson I’ve learned is that I definitely don’t want to catch COVID-19. I have no idea how I got this stomach bug, which I’m guessing is less contagious than COVID is. But being sick for the past few days has SUCKED, even though I was somewhat functional the whole time. Maybe if this bug has done anything, it’s renewed my resolve to stay healthy.

Will I watch more Love Boat today? Maybe… I was watching the second part of the Greek two-parter when Bill got home. He worked late last night and stopped by the store to get me some OTC meds and food. I might watch the second part, just to finish. I could tell I was getting better, though, because as the day wore on, I was getting more tired of the lame storylines. I may need to view something with more substance today, if I choose to watch television at all. It’s amazing the boost one gets when that initial post-sickness energy surge hits.

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musings, narcissists

What a crappy weekend I had…

If you read yesterday’s travel post, you might know that I was felled by some kind of stomach virus over the weekend. It started with a fever, progressed to vomiting, then watery diarrhea that continues today. I do feel somewhat better this morning, although my guts are still rumbling and my head hurts. However, I’ve been up for about two hours and so far, have mostly managed to stay off of the toilet. That’s already an improvement over yesterday.

One thing I have noticed about this virus is that it seems to have made my sense of smell super acute. Last night, Bill came into the bedroom and smelled like he reeked of beer. He’d only had one. I could also smell the carbon from the stove all the way upstairs when Bill made me some mashed potatoes. I also notice that I can really smell the laundry detergent more than usual. If I weren’t 49 years old and living the sex life of a nun, I might think I was pregnant. But that’s definitely not possible.

So here I sit on a foggy Monday morning. The sheets are in the washing machine, because they definitely needed refreshing after the weekend. I was in bed the whole time, hence my decision not to write a post for this blog yesterday. I couldn’t really think of anything to write about that would make me feel better. Let’s face it. A lot of my material is not all that uplifting. I suppose this blog could have used an uplift after Saturday’s book review. I guess I can be grateful to the sickness for helping me finish that depressing book at long last. 😉

The weekend did have a few moments of levity, though. For instance, yesterday, I decided to watch a couple of episodes of The Love Boat that someone thoughtfully uploaded to YouTube. One of the episodes was about a special dog show, in which a dog would be chosen to be the face of dog food brand. Our dog, Noyzi, was previously terrifed of the TV. He comes from Kosovo, so he’s being exposed to a lot of things now, that other dogs get exposed to when they are much younger.

Anyway, one of the guests on The Love Boat for that episode was a fluffy white dog named Tundra. Noyzi took a liking to her and immediately perked up when she was on the screen. It was hilarious to watch him. He still hasn’t seemed to figure out that the figures on the TV aren’t going to come out and attack or play with him. Just a few months ago, he would run out of the room if a man was on the screen. As you can see, he does that less now, especially if there are dogs to watch!

I think he’d like to be Tundra’s boyfriend.
Tundra definitely has a new fan.

I also watched Gimme A Break and WKRP in Cincinnati. I’m glad I was around when those shows were on TV, especially WKRP. Even 40 years later, it’s still a hilarious show that never gets old. Even the music they used is timeless. I would not want to relive my childhood, but I sure do love the stuff that was on the radio in the late 70s. Hey… what do you want? I was a little kid! Also, I had spent three years in England and, prior to that, had no memories of the United States. At that time, it seemed like an unusual place. Now, it seems like an unusual place for entirely different and much sadder reasons.

On a snarky note, and because I’m feeling kind of mean… I took a peek at Ex’s public social media the other day. There was a time when it would have pissed me off to look at it, but now I’m just amused and somewhat sad for older daughter, who bears a striking resemblance to Bill’s mom. Ex posted a couple of pictures of her, along with some schwag she got from a “box of the month” outfit. Ex’s latest thing is her claim to be descended from an aristocratic clan from Scotland. And you know, she may very well be a descendent of the Scots. Lord knows I have lots of Scottish ancestry myself. It wouldn’t be unheard of.

On the other hand, I’m not sure she would know for certain what her clan history is, since she was adopted, and even if her bio mom told her about any family history, I’m not sure I would trust that source. According to what I’ve heard, Ex’s bio mom gave her up because she’s a product of an affair and bio mom’s husband didn’t want to raise some other guy’s child.

Interesting that she’s suddenly so hot on Scotland, though… and that she has the money to spend on “boxes of the month”, when she ripped off her children’s college loan money to pay for household expenses. But that’s none of my business, of course. 😉 I was tempted to leave her a comment about how much older daughter looks like her *real* paternal grandmother, whom she hasn’t been allowed to see or talk to since she was a small child. But I decided I felt sick enough as it was.

One thing I’ve noticed about people like Ex… they all seem to have a compulsive shopping habit. Many of the most dysfunctional people I’ve known have had a shopping habit that was downright destructive. When Ex and Bill were married, she was always buying useless crap like Disney plates or depression glass, claiming she would later sell it and make a killing. But all that happened was that it piled up in the house, and made big credit card bills that they couldn’t pay. It used to drive Bill crazy, since he was chronically underemployed in those days, mainly because of where they were living, the location of which was entirely of her choosing. She chose it because of the lifestyle she envisioned, not because it would offer plentiful work opportunities.

I’m sure Ex’s shopping habit has something to do with trying to fill a void within her. There’s a part of her that may feel empty or depleted, or perhaps second rate. So she cheers herself up by buying stuff she can’t afford and doesn’t need. And she leans on other people in her life to pay for all of her useless crap, which they often can’t do, because she sabotages them. I don’t know for certain this is what happens in her home now, but I would bet money that’s how it is… because that was how it was for Bill. It was as if she was threatened when he succeeded. And based on what we’ve heard, that dynamic hasn’t changed.

Believe it or not, there’s a part of me that feels a little sorry for Ex. She’s never satisfied with what she has, and always has to show off her “stuff”. It’s as if she is consumed by getting people to admire her for having “stuff” and this facade of cheer. But it’s all an illusion, and the vast majority of people don’t give a fuck about it.

If she hadn’t hurt Bill and his family so deeply and profoundly and had such a direct effect on my life, I might have genuine compassion for her. But I know too much about the truly evil things she’s done. That, and I know that everything she posts on social media is to enhance her facade. She cares much more about what other people think of her image, than loving the people who are close to her. She makes her children’s pain about herself. Below is a direct quote from her… (again, this is entirely public stuff– I did nothing nefarious to get this intel.)

Och aye!!! JE SUIS PREST!!! What a treasure trove! I think my new favorite color is purple!! Swipe to see what kind of treasures have arrived as my bonnie daughter, B, and I unbox our latest WeeBoxes! (As you can tell, we have a hard time letting go of the boxes from months past!!) From our favorite cookies, to a gorgeous tartan shawl for B, see the types of goodies we enjoy each month! That one little purple box each month is the most exciting day for us. I have a severely autistic child and he requires so very much of our time and our spirits that often sadness and frustration rule our days. This little peek into Scotland reminds us that one day we WILL find a way to travel to the home of our ancestors and walk the cobblestone streets of Edinburgh and the beaches, scattered with ancient memories. We are of the Fraser du Lovat clan and long to learn more of our family.

This– from a woman who forced her older children to leave high school and start college courses so they could take out loans, and she could coerce them into giving her the excess money. And now she’s made them pay back the loans all by themselves! What she doesn’t seem to realize is that if she had only been a team player, she could have gone to Scotland a bunch of times. Bill and I have been there four times so far!

And how very sad it is that she blames her sadness and frustration on her severely autistic child. Especially since we have it on good authority that Bill’s older daughter is the one who actually takes care of him. Ex pressured my husband to get “snipped” because pregnancy was so hard on her, but then she remarried and had two more children, one of whom is apparently the source of daily “sadness and frustration” for her. She’s never been one to enjoy what she has… she always has to go for more, even when there are tremendous risks or there’s no logical need for more. Oftentimes, it leads to needless pain and suffering for other people.

Anyway… that’s enough about Ex. The more time passes, the less her antics really matter to me. And I don’t really care too much that she’s blowing money on Scottish schwag. It’s none of my business. But if she had been a better partner to Bill, she probably could have gone to Scotland and picked out her own schwag. And she could have done it unhindered by a special needs child who causes her so much daily “sadness” and “frustration”.

I just realized that I’m suddenly feeling much better than I did even just a couple of hours ago. Maybe today, I can even eat something besides potatoes and bananas. So, on that note, I will end this post, and get on with my chores for the day. Hope your Monday is a good one.

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