Happy Saturday, everyone. It’s kind of a warm, but cloudy and windy day here in Germany. I always hope we can go out and do something fun on the weekends, but we often seem to get waylaid by chores and bad weather. The battery in my car died while Bill was away, and he hasn’t had time to charge it. I think he’s planning to do that today. I might go oil the patio furniture again, too, or maybe do a load of laundry.
Bill has already shaved his beard, which is kind of a relief to me. I do like how he looks with the beard, but I don’t like kissing it. And he says it’s kind of itchy, and makes his lips chap. I don’t know how that happens, but I’ll take his word for it. He’s making good use of the clippers I bought him back when the pandemic was in full swing, and I had to cut his hair. 😉
I did just open the window, because it was getting a bit stuffy in my office. The breeze and the smell of ozone are nice. I wouldn’t mind if it stayed like this for more of the summer, but I know hot weather is on the way… perhaps even as soon as tomorrow.
This morning, I’ve been watching videos and moving more of my music catalog from my old computer to the new one. It’s a pain in the ass, but it needs to be done before the old computer completely gives up the ghost. Once the hard drive dies, all of that old content will be lost forever. So, even though it’s frustrating and annoying to have to manually move files, I continue to do it, and clean up the library, too. I probably shouldn’t use Apple so much, since iTunes (which is actually defunct), pretty much sucks. But so much of my stuff is on Apple, than I kind of can’t help it. I refuse to use Apple or Amazon Music, either.
This has also been an unusually expensive month, since we’ve been planning our very pricey vacation. Most of it is paid for, except for dog boarding, hotels, taxis, entertainment, and food when we’re not on the ship. It might be just as well if we don’t go out today, although I have been finding some places I’d like to visit on day trips. Bill is taking a few days off at the end of the month, and we’re planning to do some local excursions then, if we don’t get waylaid by chores again. 😀
Of course I’ve been paying attention to the crazy shenanigans going on in the United States right now. Ron DeSantis grows ever bolder, and Trump mocks him. I suspect their political fights will be a total shitshow. I sure wish we could get someone normal and decent to be our leader. Personally, I don’t mind Joe Biden as president, but he’s getting quite elderly. I think we need someone much more dynamic to keep some of these crazy MAGA extremists in check.
I also heard about Lauren Boebert’s divorce, from her husband, Jayson. I don’t know why she’s splitting from her husband, whom I’ve heard is quite the asshole (like she is). If I were to speculate, my guess would be that she found someone slightly classier, with more money, with whom to form a marital bond. But I don’t know the real reason… I just think it’s interesting that she and the loathsome Marjorie Taylor Greene both split from their husbands this year, as they tout traditional family values. What a couple of hypocritical hags they are. I hope they both fall out of favor soon and get out of my life. Again, we are in real need of decent people in the government.
Yesterday, I got a new microphone, a Shure Beta 58A. I decided to try it out on a couple of songs, just to see if it’s that different from my trusty Shure SM58. I bought another mic from a different manufacturer a couple of months ago, but was disappointed when it didn’t work at all. The new mic works fine and I think it sounds pretty good. Here are a couple of videos I did yesterday afternoon. Two very different songs…
It’s always fun to get new musical gear! But then, if I had saved the money on the mic, we could go out and have a nice lunch somewhere. We could do that anyway… Maybe we will.
Anyway, I don’t know what the rest of the day will consist of. Maybe we’ll go out, so I can add a post to my “lame” travel blog. But maybe we won’t… It probably doesn’t matter. My allergies are acting up, and my stomach is bugging me again. It’s probably time to visit a doctor, but I can’t be bothered. Did I mention how much I HATE dealing with medical people? Well, I really, really do. I’m sure it will become necessary at some point, or I’ll wind up seeing one under emergency circumstances. Glad I don’t have any children depending on me.
Well… I wish this were a more engaging post, but I’m afraid the well is dry. So I hope you enjoy your Saturday… I’ll go see if I can find something engaging to write about later.
Well, maybe you don’t know what that means… But many of the people who read this blog every day, follow me on Facebook. And if you follow me on Facebook, you know that I’ve been waiting all week for this day. Friday means Mr. Bill is coming home.
Bill has been looking forward to coming home as much as I’ve been waiting for him to get here. This particular business trip has been especially onerous for him, because he’s had to work overnights. He isn’t a night person at all. So I know he will be very glad to come back to the land of daylight… although it probably means he’ll have to recover all weekend.
I’m beginning to wonder if maybe it’s not time for Bill to change jobs. I think we’re both tired of the constant trips to Bavaria. But then I realize that what made this particular trip so tough is a pretty rare thing for him. Most of the business trips he does don’t require him to work overnights. He also gets paid very well to do what he does, and we aren’t in a hurry to move again. So, I guess we’ll suck it up… or, I will. Unless, of course, Bill decides he’s ready for a different position. For now, I probably should just focus on next month’s planned trip, which we are eagerly anticipating.
I haven’t been following the news much over the past few days, although I have heard some reactions to Trump’s “town hall” on CNN. Naturally, the press has been negative, as people are apparently just now waking up to the fact that Trump is a lying fascist who delights in molesting women. Some of us have known about this for years, though, and I didn’t need to sit through Trump on television to know what he is. I watched Beau of the Fifth Column’s video about the fiasco yesterday, and he pretty much called out Trump’s base…
The problem is, Donald Trump is not someone who takes direction. If he gets back in office, he will have no reason to rein in his worst impulses. It will be even more difficult to get him to leave, if he manages to survive the term. And the worst people will be championing him, which will be absolutely terrible for the country.
I’d like to think that we won’t make the same mistake twice and vote in the lying orange turd. But in 2016, I didn’t think he’d win, and he did. So I can’t relax, even though it does seem like more people have awakened to what a joke he is.
The other night, when I talked to my mom, she brought up Trump and, once again, reminded me how fortunate we are to not be in the United States right now. She said it’s really bad there. Even so, there’s a part of me that does want to go home, if only to see a few people I love. We were both happy that a jury held Trump responsible for sexually abusing and defaming E. Jean Carroll. But of course, Trump will appeal, and his base are mostly disgusting people who refuse to see what is obvious, and/or just plain don’t care.
Looks like Anderson Cooper is doing damage control…
It sickens me that Republicans… so many of whom I know are not terrible people… are going to vote for this fucking asshole. It’s absolutely outrageous. I get being conservative, but PLEASE… let’s get someone decent to run. Let’s have someone who isn’t such a liar, abuser, and wannabe dictator. And no, I don’t mean Ron DeSantis. The United States is a huge country with so many educated people, some of whom have charisma. There’s got to be SOMEONE who can be president, other than Trump. He’s just a vile, despicable turd. We don’t need to re-elect an election denying insurrectionist to the White House. Let’s drop kick this piece of crap back to Florida, where he belongs.
Anyway… there’s no sense in getting too riled up about this, since there’s nothing I can do. Best to just be glad it’s Friday, and I won’t be hanging out alone tonight. I might even fall off the wagon again. We are having a wine stand tonight in our Dorfplatz, after all.
And before I get too cranked up with this post, allow me to add, I do understand that for some people, that extra $40 really does make a difference. I’ve been broke myself. I know that when you don’t make a lot of money, what seems like a piddly amount to people who are better off can be very significant. However… sometimes, people really can’t see the forest for the trees.
A few days ago, Donald Trump got indicted following an investigation into a hush money payment scheme. I know that there was a lot of speculation as this occurrence approached. People wondered how Trump’s most rabid supporters would react. So far, it doesn’t seem like people have gone too nuts yet. Honestly, I think a lot of Trump’s supporters have been quietly shutting the F up, because they’re finally seeing the man for the repulsive creep he is. But a few folks still haven’t gotten the picture.
A friend of mine who teaches school in North Carolina has made no secret of how she feels about Trump. Like me, she can’t stand him. And she was celebrating his indictment on her Facebook page. Most of her friends were celebrating with her, but you know… there’s always one in EVERY crowd.
A male friend of hers bitterly posted this. “Hillary and the rest are next.”
He also added sulky comments to people who were making fun of Trump, insisting that Joe Biden is SO MUCH WORSE! He started his own comment thread on my friend’s post, writing this: “I can’t believe there are people this dumb still out there.”
It was obvious this guy was in a confrontational mood and needed to talk about his dismay. He’s still stubbornly clinging to lies, and can’t seem to join us in the sunlight of reality. My friend is a very compassionate person, so she finally addressed her butt hurt friend. She wrote:
“I know, right? Some people actually still support him. Unbelievable for sure!”
Obviously, that was not the response Mr. Butt Hurt was hoping for, so he responded in three comments that I have consolidated:
“…some people support this idiot we have now with dementia. Definitely unbelievable. …hey. But he’s good at making up new words. …and I also suppose you support a President that cheats on his wife in the White House.”
It’s really not cool for people to unofficially diagnose others with dementia. That’s not a laughing matter. When I see people casually saying that Biden has dementia, it automatically makes me think that they’re shitty people. But that’s just my own opinion.
My friend reasonably explained, “has nothing to do with support or lack thereof for any other politicians. It’s about this lifelong bully finally facing some consequences for his actions.”
And then comes Mr. Butt Hurt again with this comment… “best economy we had in a long time.” and this follow on, “have you ever heard Biden speak. He’s just as bullish.”
First off, I don’t think “bullish” is the same as “bully”. Secondly, I’d be pretty leery of a “great economy” created at the hands of an obvious con artist and fraudster. To me, that’s just common sense. Even if the money generated during Trump’s brief time in the White House was legitimate, I know it couldn’t and wouldn’t last. Why? Because Donald Trump isn’t interested in seeing YOU become richer and more powerful. He wants EVERYTHING for himself!
So, even if you temporarily get that extra $40 in your paycheck that helps you fill your gas tank so you can get to your second job, it won’t last. Eventually, and gradually (or as gradual as he can afford to be, as he inexorably ages, and gets closer to a plot in the family graveyard), Trump will be claiming what’s yours and mine. That’s what narcissists do. What’s his is his, and what’s yours is also his. Anyone who has spent time around narcissists knows this. And unlike Biden’s so-called “dementia”, Trump’s narcissism is extremely obvious.
My compassionate friend wrote, “did you not read what I just posted? This is not about Biden or Hillary or Clinton or any other politician.”
And Mr. Butt Hurt responded: “you just don’t like Trump. I don’t have to like someone to know when they were doing a good job. I didn’t like Trump the person. But I sure as hell liked this economy and gas prices when he was in there!”
Then, he added “is this economy better? If you say yes, you have to quit watching CNN and the View.”
Again… I strongly suspect that those byproducts of Trump’s seagull leadership style were temporary and not genuine. Because if Trump had won a second stint in the White House, what would be his motivation for keeping the economy strong? He’d have four more years as a “lame duck” president to do whatever the fuck he wanted and work on changing the laws so he could stay in power. I know Trump famously stated that the White House is a “dump”, but he sure loved the power that came from being the commander in chief. And to guys like him, that power is so hard to give up. It’s like a heroin addict trying to go straight.
As for the second comment… well, isn’t that typical of some of the Trump supporters, assuming that people who don’t like Trump are people who watch CNN and and The View? God forbid they realize that people can come to these conclusions without being spoon fed by the media. Some of us are reading and observing, rather than watching daytime TV or mainstream news. However, in spite of my just typing what I typed, I’ll bet Mr. Butt Hurt is a Fox News fan.
I finally couldn’t take it anymore, so I commented: “It’s too bad money is all that matters to some people.”
And I know… when you have no money, that extra $40 can make you feel “rich”. I don’t think Mr. Butt Hurt is in the category of voters who really needs an extra $40, but his response to me was this…
“well it is nice to be able to buy things.”
Now THAT is a very interesting response indeed. It pretty much sums things up nicely, doesn’t it? He’s more concerned about being able to “buy things” than having a respectable, decent, law abiding person serving as a world leader. He uses his ability to buy things as a gauge as to whether or not a president has done a “good job.” I’ll bet Mr. Butt Hurt is against abortion, too, and blames “irresponsible, slutty” women for the situation they find themselves in when they “get themselves pregnant”. And, in case it’s not obvious, the quote marks mean that that is not my actual view. Mr. Butt Hurt wants to be able to buy his new garden hose with ease… or remodel his deck.
Who cares about people who are rounded up by ICE and separated from their families for weeks? Why worry about people who are marginalized because of who they love, how they identify themselves, or how they dress? Why concern oneself with cronyism, obvious lying, cheating, and stealing, thug like behavior, alienating of our allies, and pandering to wannabe world dictators like Vladimir Putin? Trump will sell us out to the highest bidder and reap all of the profits. He’d love to be the king of the United States, with all of his supporters doing his bidding to make us look like a backwater banana republic. And he’d love to have a harem of beautiful women he can kiss and grab by the pussy at will. This is the type of unhinged, depraved individual that Trump is. Many of us can finally see it, but some folks are still clinging to that extra $40 and $1.89 gas, and the futile hope of their quick return.
Now, I’m not saying the Democrats don’t have their problems. I think there are a lot of dirty people in politics. And I am not saying Joe Biden is the best president we’ve ever had. Our stock portfolio has taken a hit, too. And I’m not even saying that Biden doesn’t have his own issues with invading people’s spaces. In fact, just this morning, I see in my Facebook memories from 2019 that people were speaking out about his penchant for “Eskimo kisses”. I agree– unwanted physical touching isn’t okay, particularly when it can be construed as sexual. BUT… I find it hard to get too outraged over Eskimo kisses when Trump has a long history of actually molesting women AND bragging about it! To me, not having a man like that as my leader is worth not having that extra $40… or, in the case of our stock portfolio, that extra $15k or so.
There are certain minimum standards that I think we should expect in a world leader of a modern, powerful nation. For instance, a leader should be level headed, intelligent, and fair minded. A leader should be law abiding. A leader should be able to stop themselves from saying things that are inflammatory or defamatory. And a leader should be able to keep his hands to himself. Hell… I’d just like to have a leader who seems to have learned the basic decorum we all learn in kindergarten. I’m sorry to say, Donald Trump demonstrates very few of those skills. When I look at him or listen to him speak, all I hear is “Mine, MINE, MINE!!!”
And when I read comments from people like Mr. Butt Hurt, I hear someone who admires that in a president, just so they can “buy things”. To hell with any other concerns the rest of us might have.
I know I’ve already written a book review today, but I wanted to add a few comments about Cassidy Hutchinson, former junior White House aide to Mark Meadows in the Trump administration. Yesterday, I read and heard about how she was “encouraged” by “ethics attorney” Stefan Passantino to lie under oath to protect Donald Trump and his cronies. Or, rather, the attorney advised her “not to recall” things that she remembered from her time in the White House. When Hutchinson asked the lawyer if that wouldn’t be perjury, he told her no one would know what she did and didn’t remember. So she could say “I don’t recall”, even though that would have been a lie. And yes, technically it IS perjury.
After I watched the above video yesterday, I posted on Facebook that I think Cassidy Hutchinson is a hero. I truly believe she is, even though she worked in the Trump administration. I’ve seen a number of people holding her work for Trump against her, and minimizing the fact that what she did took immense courage and maturity. She has proven that she’s very professional and has a high level of personal honor.
Consider this. Last summer, when she was all over the news, Cassidy Hutchinson was 26 years old and had never needed to hire a lawyer. When this stuff came up, she was out of work, because Trump lost the election. She didn’t have the money to pay for a lawyer. One lawyer she contacted said they could help, but requested a $150,000 retainer. I bet that lawyer is kicking themselves now.
Stefan Passantino, one of Trump’s crony lawyers, offered to help her, and said she didn’t need to worry about legal bills. He refused to tell her who was paying for his services. It is legal for lawyers to be paid by third parties, but clients are supposed to know who pays so that they can give “informed consent”. Someone working for Trump would expect Hutchinson to be on Trump’s side, rather than allowing her to tell the truth.
Shortly after Passantino started working with her, some of Trump’s buddies started contacting her about job opportunities. I remember what it was like to be 26 and hungry for work, although I was waiting tables at that time of my life. I’m sure it was tempting to keep her mouth shut and take the job security and legal assistance. Naturally, once it became clear that Hutchinson was cooperating with investigators, those lucrative job offers were pulled, just like the proverbial carrot on a stick.
Fortunately for all Americans, Hutchinson realized that accepting this help from Passantino was akin to making a deal with the devil. She went to her parents for help. Her mother couldn’t help. Her father, with whom she understandably doesn’t have a relationship, is a big Trump supporter and refused to assist her in hiring a lawyer. In spite of her fears about retribution from Trump and lack of financial resources, Hutchinson told the truth. And now, a lot of people are thinking of her as a hero. I doubt she’s going to have to worry about finding a job. She has her self-respect, and she may have done a lot to help save our democracy. We’ll see what actually happens to Trump. Still… what she did took some guts!
I know a lot of people think Hutchinson should be criticized for working for Trump in the first place. I am inclined to cut her a break, though. It sounds like she was raised by Republicans, like I was. She may have never had a chance to consider other political views. Her father is a Trumper, so much so that he would protect Trump over helping his own daughter. She describes herself as a first generation college student, which probably means her parents are working class. Democrats used to be considered the party for “working class” people, but now it seems that Republicans are mostly folks who aren’t big on education. Trump even famously said that he “loves the poorly educated”. Hutchinson also went to Christopher Newport University, in Newport News, Virginia, which is very close to where I grew up. It’s a very conservative, red, part of Virginia. She’s only twenty-six years old. Maybe she hasn’t been exposed to other ideologies yet, in spite of her degrees in political science and American studies. Or maybe she considers herself the old style of Republican, which is what I used to be.
I’m sure Trump and his minions thought Cassidy Hutchinson would be easy to manipulate, flatter, bribe, or threaten into compliance. There she was, a beautiful young woman with just a bachelor’s degree and some entry level experience. She had her sights set on a political career and was making it happen. Surely they could get her to cooperate in this little matter, right? She sure proved them wrong. Maybe it would make sense to do Trump’s bidding, but it would have meant being beholden to him forever. Lots of Trump’s pals were contacting her relentlessly before she was to testify, trying to sway her testimony. I’m glad she realized that trusting them would be foolhardy. Trump is a snake, and he has no honor. There’s no guarantee that Cassidy Hutchinson would be rewarded for her cooperation. People like Trump routinely use people until they’ve gotten all they can and then ditch them. So Hutchinson was absolutely right to do the right thing.
“It wasn’t just that I had Stefan sitting next to me; it was almost like I felt like I had Trump looking over my shoulder,” Hutchinson testified. “Because I knew in some fashion it would get back to him if I said anything he would find disloyal. And the prospect of that genuinely scared me. You know, I’d seen this world ruin people’s lives or try to ruin people’s careers.”
Hutchinson testified: “Pam [Bondi- Former Attorney General of Florida] texted me that night and said something to the effect of: ‘Susie, Matt Schlapp, and I had dinner with POTUS at Mar-a-Lago tonight. Call Matt next week. He has a job for you that we all think you’d be great at — that you all — we all think you would be great in. You are the best. Keep up the good work. Love and miss you.’”
I’ll bet none of those people are calling her now… The article continues:
Ben Williamson, a former White House aide who was still working for Hutchinson’s former boss, White House chief of staff Mark Meadows, reached out to Hutchinson the night before her second scheduled interview with the committee with a friendly reminder.
“He said something to the effect of: ‘Well, Mark wants me to let you know that he knows you’re loyal and he knows you’ll do the right thing tomorrow and that you’re going to protect him and the boss,’” Hutchinson testified. “‘He knows that we’re all on the same team and we’re all a family.’”
Williamson did not immediately offer a comment.
Hutchinson was still concerned about lying under oath. She spoke to Passantino about her misgivings, and he said:
“I would have heard if he was mad about anything discussed in yours, but it’s just a good reminder that the boss does read transcripts,” Hutchinson recalled Passantino telling her. “And we want to make sure that, like, whatever he’s reading isn’t going to put you in a bad situation.”
The WaPo article I linked indicates that there’s another brave woman who deserves some credit. Alyssa Farah Griffin, another former Trump aide who had managed to break free of the MAGA cult, spoke to Hutchinson, who confided that she was withholding information at Passantino’s request. Griffin served as a conduit to the January 6th committee, letting them know that Hutchinson had more information that she was willing to divulge.
Through Griffin, Hutchinson answered more questions from the committee. When Stefan Passantino found out about it, he demanded to know how the committee found out. She tried to maintain plausible deniability, but the jig was up. The lucrative job offers dried up, and she was out in the cold. Hutchinson told a staffer, “I’m about to be fucking nuked.” She soon started to realize the price she could be paying for betraying Trump. I’m sure she experienced great anxiety and sleepless nights, realizing that these heavy hitting Republicans could and would happily steamroll her in their bid for maintain power and money. She could have given in to that and been a slave to Trump’s MAGA cult. She chose integrity, instead.
According to The New York Times:
“They don’t know what you know, Cassidy,” she quoted [Passatino] as saying. “They don’t know that you can recall some of these things.”
After the interview, Ms. Hutchinson said, Mr. Passantino told her that he would help her get her “a really good job in Trump world.”
“We’re going to get you taken care of,” she quoted him as saying. “We want to keep you in the family.”
But obviously only if she lied for Donald Trump and his cronies… and only if she was willing to sell her soul to his MAGA cult. It’s not a nice way to live, is it? Yes, she should have avoided Trump in the first place, but because she was there and was willing to talk, we know a lot more than we might have. Cassidy Hutchinson is to be commended for her grace under pressure, her commitment to honesty and professionalism, and her extreme bravery and integrity. I’m sure she will be rewarded for this on many levels. The biggest and best reward of all, in my opinion, is maintaining her dignity and self-respect. She’s going to go down in history as a courageous young woman who didn’t bow to Donald Trump. She seems to be one of the few and proud. I think she has a bright future ahead of her, as long as she stays healthy and safe… because, frankly, I would not put it past Trump to try to get her offed somehow. He has proven, time and again, that he’s an insane, ruthless, vindictive bastard who will stoop to incredibly low levels to get revenge on his enemies. I sincerely hope she has some protection.
Not long ago, I wrote a post about how my blog host, WordPress, seems to think I need “special help” with my subject matter. Recently, I noticed that at the top of each new blank page, there’s now a “prompt”– a question or a suggestion on what my topic should be for the day. I think this is a new feature, as I’ve only just started noticing it. I see I can hide the daily prompts if I want to, but I probably won’t bother with that. Although I doubt I’ll need to use the prompts regularly, there are times when I could use a suggestion. Sometimes, even I get writer’s block– like if I’ve got a hangover or nothing exciting has happened. But I usually have SOMETHING I can write about, even if I’m the only one who’s interested in the subject.
Today, for instance, I could write about Donald Trump’s ridiculous “big announcement”, which turned out to be really embarrassing and stupid. He’s selling Trump superhero NFT cards for $99. Jimmy Kimmel put it as “QAnon meets QVC”. Seriously, this is “not a good look” for Trump. I’m sure a lot of his supporters– many (but not enough) of them former supporters at this point– are feeling kind of sheepish and humiliated now, as their former hero who promised “greatness” is shilling more worthless shit to the masses. Trump is legitimately embarrassing on so many levels now. Just like with Ex, whenever I think I’ve heard the worst about Trump, there’s another layer of rot to excavate. It’s unbelievable that so many people fell for his lunacy. That being said, I wouldn’t be surprised if I heard that one of my cousins bought Trump’s stupid superhero cards. There are too many people who still worship him, though the number is dropping.
Just when you thought this grifter couldn’t humiliate himself any more than he already has, there’s this. THIS is what the big announcement was. pic.twitter.com/npsjPNYpBA
I haven’t bothered to watch Harry and Meghan on Netflix, because I haven’t been bored enough for that. I am reading Matthew Perry’s book, though. I know I’ve seen him in some things, although I was never a Friends fan– again, it aired at a time when I wasn’t available to watch a lot of TV. I bought his book because I like true stories, and his was getting some good press. So far, I’m enjoying it. Matthew Perry is engaging and funny, though some of his story is sad and scary. I’m four chapters in so far. I’m looking forward to sharing my thoughts on his book soon.
Or I could write about how the dishwasher that was supposed to get to us last night is coming this morning… (ETA: The dishwasher is still delayed) and Bill will be home later today, much to the dogs’ and my relief. I’ve been on the wagon all week, too… mainly because Arran has been getting me up every night , sometimes two or three times, so he can pee and beg for food. He left me alone for 3.5 solid hours yesterday after I yelled at him. He slunk away with a guilty look on his face, as if to say, “Gee mom, I didn’t realize I was imposing that much!” It’s hard to stay mad at Arran, even if he is a little stinker… and he always has been, so this is nothing new. Prednisolone just amplifies the effect. Luckily he’s adorable, sweet, loving, and very loyal. But I really need a full night’s rest! So does Bill.
Yes, I have a lot of topics I could write about, and I don’t necessarily need WordPress’s help. But WordPress has queried about what the one thing is that I hope no one ever says about me. That’s actually kind of a hard question to answer. I’m a pretty forward person, and I’ve never been one to hold back. Lots of people don’t like me, although I don’t think I have too many true haters. Most people just find me annoying for any number of reasons, ranging from my distinctive laugh to the fact that I drink and swear a lot. Most people don’t seem to appreciate the fact that I’m outspoken and opinionated. I’m sure a consequence of growing up with people who repeatedly criticized and disparaged me, often in favor of other people’s kids, is a major reason why so many people seem to think I’m an asshole today.
I suppose a lot of people would be horrified to be thought of as an “asshole” by so many other people. Most people want to be liked. I used to be that way, too. But I found that trying too hard to be liked by everyone was impossible, exhausting, and pretty pointless. Because those who would want you to not be your authentic self for them are not people who would ever be a true advocate. In other words, they’re “dead weight”. I’d much rather have a few loyal, true friends who love me exactly for who I am, than a bunch of “friends” who love me for what I can do for them or a false persona I put on just so I can feel liked and included in a group.
Does it hurt to be– or just feel— disliked and uninvited? Sure, it does. But at least I can wear my jammies when I’m alone, and no one will criticize my laugh, personality, looks, or opinions.
Also, I suspect that even those who feel like others think of them as an “asshole” are overestimating their real impact on other people. I, for one, agree with Eleanor Roosevelt, who said “You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.” I think there’s a lot of truth in that statement. And, while it may take us aback to consider how little other people actually care that much about us, once you get past that initial shock, the end result is kind of freeing. Because when it comes down to it, people have their own lives, and their own problems… and the truth is, they probably DON’T think too much about you and any “asshole” behavior (from their perspective) you might exhibit.
So… I guess if I’m going to answer WordPress’s query, I would say that the one thing I would hope people never say about me is that I’m a fake. You may not like what you see or hear from me, but rest assured, it’s authentic. I try to be a good friend. I may not always say or do what other people want, but I do things with pure intentions. I don’t intentionally screw people over– which is NOT the same is letting them screw ME over without protest. The one kind thing my dad used to regularly say to me when I was growing up is that I’m a “survivor”. There’s a big part of me that doesn’t feel like that’s true, as I suffer pretty badly from anxiety sometimes. But, when I look back on my life, I realize that he was right. I am a survivor. A lot of times, that means I’m alone. But I am my true self when I’m alone, and I’m myself when I deal with other people. I’m never going to be popular, but what you see is what you get… ALWAYS. Or almost always… because I have to admit, there are times when fakeness is needed for survival. Like, for instance, being polite to an authority figure when you really feel like going off on them.
I feel like I came into Bill’s life for a reason. It was like the universe set it up. Matthew Perry writes about it in his book, about how, against all odds, he got cast as Chandler Bing on Friends. I think I was meant to be Bill’s second wife. I’m here to teach him new things… new ways of dealing with people. Maybe I was a washout as a career or family woman, but I think I’m here for different reasons… if only to show my husband that his voice counts, too. He doesn’t always have to appease other people and strive to be liked. His voice has worth, too. The real him is better than the fake persona he put on for Ex and other people who tried to force him into a place where he doesn’t fit. There’s a place where he DOES fit, just like a puzzle piece. And it’s with me, because I love him for who he is. He rewards me by loving me for who I am. It’s all I could ever ask for. If even one person can do it, it’s enough.
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