love, Memes, silliness

Being a “vulgar” woman…

A few days ago, my friend Alex shared with me a post he found on the God page. It was about people taking some guy on Twitter, named Eric, to task for posting this…

For some reason, Alex thought of me when he saw this…

Not that I think Alex is offended by vulgarity… it’s just that he thought I’d appreciate people slamming this Eric guy for being such a judgmental asswipe. And, I would imagine Alex also identifies me as a “vulgar woman”. It’s true, I like to cuss. It’s something I’m really good at, despite my parents’ efforts to quash it. My dad, in particular, didn’t like cursing. I rarely heard him say anything stronger than “hell” or “damn”, despite his almost 22 years as an Air Force officer. My dad flew on missions in Vietnam that very likely resulted in people’s deaths, but God forbid if I ever said the word “fuck” in front of him (and I did on more than one occasion). He wouldn’t hesitate to knock me upside the head for that.

I remember often getting in trouble for having a potty mouth when I was growing up. I also remember being hired to work at a Presbyterian church camp and actually worrying about my vulgarity getting me into trouble. Little did I know that my boss was going to be a hilarious Scotsman who also cusses… even though he eventually became a minister and performed my wedding. Of course, now he’s left the ministry and converted to Catholicism.

Bill doesn’t cuss as much as I do, but he seems to enjoy my foul mouth. He likes it when I randomly burst into song, making up little ditties about dicks, vaginas, asses, and unusual sex positions. I always ask him what he sees in me whenever I fall down the rabbit hole of made up silly songs. He laughs and says he admires my ability to come up with weird shit on the fly. He appreciates my ability to let things fly… I think he kind of enjoys a vicarious satisfaction from it, because he’d like to be more that way himself, but is too buttoned up to let it all hang out. That’s probably also why he’s employed and I’m not. πŸ˜‰

I’ll bet this guy is a barrel of laughs at parties.

Anyway, when Alex tagged me in that post, I laughed and typed “moi?” But I know why Alex thought of me. For some reason, a lot of my friends, especially the guys, have noticed that I’m kind of a vulgar woman. It used to bother me. Actually, it used to hurt my feelings when some dude would get disgusted and ask me if I “kiss my mother with that mouth.” Actually, yes, I have kissed her with “that mouth”. Why do people get so hung up on curse words? They’re only words! Another guy said I have a “potty mouth”. I’m sure he wouldn’t want to kiss my potty mouth… but the funny thing is, I actually find open mouth kissing rather disgusting, anyway. I’d be fine with never having some guy’s tongue in my mouth ever again. Yuck! I’ve actually never kissed Bill like that in almost 19 years of marriage.

Truth.

Personally, I prefer raw language to raw brutality. I think it’s healthier to “use my words” than use my fists. But I will acknowledge that language can be hurtful… People can use words to abuse others. But a lot of times, it’s all in good fun.

I wonder why Eric is so offended by the word “vagina”? There’s nothing wrong with that word. It’s the name of a body part. What would he have gynecologists do? Especially if they’re female? He probably objects to women being doctors, though… It sounds like he’d prefer a trophy wife who stays silent, gazes adoringly at him, and has no spirit or spunk… except maybe the spunk he shoots in her mouth. Yep… I would not be surprised if he was that type of guy– the Josh Duggars of the world– who preach about family values and decency, then behind closed doors, abuse women and children and treat them like objects.

I was gratified by my friend Andrew’s comment. His response was,

Jenny – please don’t ever change. Those who need to change are the ones who mistake a vibrantly expressive personality for vulgarity or vice.

Thank you, Andrew. I appreciate that very much. The older I get, the happier I am when I find people who appreciate me just the way I am.

I have just checked out Eric’s Twitter account. It’s very interesting. He’s supposedly in Minneapolis, Minnesota, but it also says he’s in Kenya. And his email address is a Kenyan account. In that case, I guess I can understand the misogyny and judgment. Not all of his advice is bad, either. But then he resorts to calling women “sluts”. That’s a shame. Also, he doesn’t like women who get angry and “throw tantrums”. I can only shake my head at some of this stuff. And, I suppose I would tell Eric what I tell everyone who doesn’t like me… he can go fuck himself. He’d probably enjoy it more. I’ll just keep being a “vulgar woman” and shocking people with my “loose morals”. Actually, I’m a pretty moral person who is the very opposite of a so-called “slut”. I just cuss like a sailor. I also drink like one.

Somehow, I managed to find a really nice husband as well as quite a few good male friends who appreciate my vulgar language and potty humor. So Eric and his ilk wouldn’t like me. So Eric and his ilk prefer a quiet, obedient, sober woman. I prefer guys who like a woman who’s a little crazy– a little, mind you. I am crazy in the fun ways, not in the destructive ways. I probably drink too much beer and wine. In fact, I know I do. But at least I’m not a smoker or a slut… or a thot– whatever the fuck that is. Actually, I just looked it up. A thot is a woman who has many casual sexual relationships. That’s definitely not me. Apparently, it stands for “that ho over there.”

At least she’s not cooking wienies.

There’s all kinds of commentary about this phenomenon on the Internet. Quite a lot of people are offended by “feminism” and the idea that women might like to make their own decisions. And the idea that she might curse who use indecent finger gestures is abhorrent to these folks. Tragically, some women agree with the men who have a problem with mouthy women… and they end up married to guys like Josh Duggar, pregnant and facing many years alone. Today’s women really need to learn how to say “fuck you”. They need to learn to be strong for themselves and their own survival. In fact, I think that’s truer now than it’s ever been.

Nah… I think this is a lie we don’t believe anymore.
Okay, Boomer.

I know my dad preferred the women in his life to be more ladylike. I probably wouldn’t have turned out that way, even if I weren’t rebelling against his authoritarian parenting style. I’m just not a prissy type. I don’t think growing up fundie would have caused me to be that way, either. It would have been an uphill battle. I think the men in the independent Baptist circles would be revolted by me. But that’s not a bad thing. Who wants to wind up married to some dickhead in the Baptist church who acts like a reprobate? I look at Anna Duggar. She ain’t married to a prize. Below is a post that came from the Duggar Family News snark group. The top part was on Reddit… the bottom part appears to be satire.

If being “dainty” and ladylike scores me this lifestyle, you can count me out.

I, on the other hand, am not very ladylike, but I have a husband who adores me for who I am… he cooks for me, takes me on dates, and cherishes me. He listens to what I say… he listens to me sing and doesn’t mind my laugh… and he doesn’t try to break my spirit by criticizing me for being who I am. Some men like “vulgar women”. I’ve found that the BEST men appreciate women who are a little earthy and weird. I think a man who tries to squash a woman’s true self is one I’d like to avoid. I don’t think Eric would like me at all… but that’s okay. I don’t like him, either. And he really should go fuck himself. It would be more likely to be sex with someone he loves.

Sing it, Lyle.

At my age, I figure I’m never going to change into a lady with a clean vocabulary. If I did, it wouldn’t be me. I pride myself on being authentic, even if it offends some people. As Bill’s ex says, “I can’t help how they feel.” I do try not to be offensive. Sometimes, I fail. But I think if the worst thing someone can say about me is that I’m outspoken and vulgar, I’m doing okay. At least I don’t plot violent crimes against Bill when he sleeps, right? Ex did… despite her cleaner language and “churchy” visage. No thanks. It’s not for me. I’ll keep cussing and drinking wine until it doesn’t work for me anymore. As Sinead O’Connor says, “How About I Be Me, (and You Be You)”. Good advice. Words to live by. Sinead is wiser than people know.

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Duggars, Trump

Michelle Duggar isn’t “ladylike” when she whistles…

I could easily post about Trump’s tweet yesterday… the tweet we were all expecting to read and dreading… But I’m not going to do that, because I think that Trump suggested delaying the election so that we’d all be talking and writing about that instead of the dismal condition of the U.S. economy.

Lemme get this straight… Trump wants businesses, schools, and churches to open right now, despite the extremely high coronavirus infection rates in parts of the United States, but it’s not “safe” enough to have an election in November? Bullshit. It’s time to vote out this orange dictator wannabe NOW. And that’s all I gots to say about that.

Moving on…

Nope… not gonna write any more about Trump. Instead, I’m going to write about my dumps, which is a more pleasant subject. Actually, I’m kind of kidding. I’m not going to write about my dumps. I’m going to write about what constitutes a “lady”.

Every once in awhile, someone posts something on social media that many people find profoundly stupid and laughable. Like, for instance, a few years ago, when I lived near Stuttgart, someone in one of the local Facebook groups posted about the Black Forest and a person responded enthusiastically, asking “So what time does the Black Forest close?”

The Black Forest doesn’t close…

Lemme tell ya, a WHOLE lot of people laughed their asses off about that question, which many people thought was “stupid”. However, I could see why she asked. In the United States, a lot of forests are part of national parks, which do have opening and closing times. Being new to Germany, this lady didn’t realize that the Black Forest is a vast region that includes many towns and municipalities. It doesn’t ever close. She caught hell for innocently asking that question, though, and it was a running joke for years. I’m sure there are still some people in Stuttgart who remember that question even years later– probably due to long term residents like Bill and me.

Well… today, I was checking out the latest posts in the Duggar Family News Group, and some lady posted this…

It’s been awhile since I last watched the Duggars on TV, but I seem to remember that Michelle Duggar is able to whistle like a horny bastard at a peep show…
Hmmm… does Michelle whistle like the wolf in this cartoon? By the way, this cartoon was definitely not intended for kids.
Michelle used to be “feisty”…. I think I’d rather listen to her whistle than speak.

Anyway… lots of people took the poster to task for asking that question. They wanted to know what possessed her to comment in such a way. A few posted that they aren’t ladylike, either. One lady wrote about how she saves up her farts so she can share them with her husband. And that made me think of Bill, who stays married to me, even though the honeymoon is long over. πŸ˜‰

Actually, I think given how repressive it must be, being married to the “God Bobber”, the fact that Michelle Duggar whistles like a truck driver is kind of cool. She used to be a cheerleader, you know… and someone even found a picture of her online from when she was a gymnast. There she is in her leotard and, by God, her knees are actually visible! I remember one time, before the big Josh Duggar sex pest scandal of 2015, Michelle Duggar was shown waterskiing on TV while wearing a skirt. And the Duggars insisted that the cameramen black out her knees! Michelle used to mow the lawn in her bikini and she had an actual job working in a yogurt shop. Now, her claim to fame is birthing nineteen children, including one who is best known for molesting four of his sisters and another girl and cheating on his wife with a stripper.

A screenshot of a photo that was posted in the group. She reminds me of Dana Plato.

I had a pretty good laugh looking at the responses to the observation that being able to whistle like a man doesn’t necessarily mean someone isn’t “ladylike”. What does that even mean, anyway? I love a good off color joke and some would claim that I’m not very “ladylike”. But those who know me well would say that there is a side to me that is much more refined than people realize. Besides, what’s so great about being a lady? You aren’t supposed to have body functions; you have to sit with your legs crossed or knees together; God help you if you have natural scents; and you’re never supposed to say or do anything “vulgar”. Well, I don’t think that’s fun or healthy.

However, I don’t like it when people are super confrontational toward others, especially over something like this. Maybe it was a “dumb” question or statement, but at least she posted something for people to discuss, right? She probably didn’t think about the bigger implications of what she wrote. I know that being super confrontational is kind of in style right now, but too much of it can have a chilling effect on open communication. What’s more, shaming someone for a “dumb comment” or “stupid question” isn’t helpful. It just squelches communication. It’s not like the poster said anything that was that offensive. Maybe Michelle’s whistling makes her hair stand on end. That’s fair enough, right?

Lots of people in that group were berating the poster for being so “petty”. And yet, there they were posting responses, which is the whole purpose for having such a group in the first place. I don’t really care about Michelle Duggar’s whistle habit, but I can understand why it would annoy some people. Some people hate it when I laugh. But I bet they’d rather I laugh than do something even less “ladylike”. πŸ˜‰ Because I’m a lady, I’ll leave the possibilities up to your imagination.

I’m no lady, I’m Bill’s wife…

I don’t think Michelle Duggar is particularly ladylike, anyway. Much of what she says and does seem to be fake to me. I think that underneath the squeaky baby voice, blacked out knees, and meek things she says and does, she’s a tough, athletic, fun loving woman who has been violently repressed by Boob and his chronic halitosis, which probably subdues her into submission when he needs her to be “joyfully available” to him. Man… I’m glad I’m no lady. I’m just Bill’s vulgar wife. And no, I don’t do a lot of whistling, but in the morning, I can blow taps from my asshole with the best of them. Fortunately, Bill loves me anyway.

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