bad TV, book reviews, narcissists, Reality TV, TV

A review of In the Shadow of Eight: Surviving the Reality of My Childhood, by Collin Gosselin…

Good morning, blog watchers. It’s time for another book review. I have just finished reading yet another sad story about a young person who was preyed upon by the TLC television network. I am reviewing Collin Gosselin’s brand new book, In the Shadow of Eight: Surviving the Reality of My Childhood. Gosselin’s book was released on October 13th of this year. It was written with assistance from ghost writer, Allie Kingsley Baker.

Who is Collin Gosselin, and why did he write a book?

Collin Gosselin grew up on the TLC reality show, Jon & Kate Plus 8, and later, Kate Plus 8. His parents, Jon and Kate Gosselin, are the parents of twin girls, Cara and Mady, and sextuplets: Aaden, Alexis, Leah, Hannah, Joel, and Collin. Their famous reality show ran on the TLC network from April 10, 2007 until July 24, 2017.

Jon and Kate famously divorced in 2009. It was reported back then that Jon Gosselin disliked being on reality television, and he and Kate had marital issues that made their split necessary. Kate continued the show from 2010, seemingly loving the limelight.

Although Jon Gosselin didn’t like being a TLC commodity and left the network, the children’s participation was required for the show’s success. Soon, Jon was shut out of his children’s lives. Like everyone else in America, he got to see his own children grow up on TV.

Like his father, Collin Gosselin also hated being a reality TV star. But unlike his father, Collin didn’t have a choice to leave the limelight. According to his book, In the Shadow of Eight, Collin was forced to help support his mother’s celebrity ambitions. When he didn’t cooperate, Kate made him pay dearly… until he was eventually shut out of the family and sent away to a psychiatric facility called Fairmount Hospital.

It took the help of a fellow inmate/patient at Fairmount to help Collin escape his mother’s toxic clutches and launch his own life. But even to this day, Kate continues to interfere in Collin’s life in a negative way. And, to this day, Collin remains shut off from most of his siblings, the lone exception being fellow septuplet, Hannah, who also left their mother’s custody.

Collin Gosselin and his siblings are now adults. He is now in college, studying finance, although he had wanted to join the Marines. Thanks to his mother’s insistence that Collin was “mentally ill”, the resulting diagnoses, and his history in psychiatric facilities, that dream of being a Marine seems to have been permanently thwarted. But at least Collin still has a story to share.

My thoughts

A few years ago, I read and reviewed Jill Duggar Dillard’s book, Counting the Cost. Dillard is the second eldest daughter of Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar, who starred on TLC’s show, 19 Kids and Counting.

In her book, Dillard detailed how her father, Jim Bob Duggar, made millions of dollars on the supersized family’s reality TV show. On the show, the Duggars were portrayed to be a close and loving Christian family. Jill’s book shed some light on the actual truth about what it was like to grow up on reality TV. It came at a great personal cost to her, her siblings, and her relationships with her family.

As a result of Jill’s decision to “spill the tea”, she became ostracized from her family. Jill went from being a “golden child”, to being an outcast. She and her husband, Derick, have now struck out on their own. They have three sons, and Derick, who is an attorney, just joined the Marine Corps so that he can work as a JAG officer. They now live in Virginia on Quantico, a Marine base Bill and I know well.

By now, you might be wondering… What does Jill Dillard have to do with today’s topic? Well… her experience is just one of many young people’s who have had any dealings with the TLC network. In the early 2000s, reality television shows, especially those involving large, unique families like the Duggars and the Gosselins, were all the rage.

The parents who allowed television producers to showcase their families on reality TV made a lot of money and became famous. But their children had no say in the arrangement and did not have the legal protections afforded to child actors.

Consequently, young people like Jill and Collin basically ended up working for free, and were treated like commodities, instead of human beings. They sacrificed their childhoods and basic privacy so that their parents could be rich and famous. And, at least in the cases of the Duggars and the Gosselins, there was child abuse involved.

While both Jill and Collin have managed to move on from their time as reality TV stars, they have both had a tough go of breaking free of that world. Both had their educations interrupted or curtailed, which made launching into adulthood more difficult.

In Jill’s case, it was due to her parents’ insistence on “homeschooling”, and not encouraging higher education. In Collin’s case, it was due to his mother’s decision to have him locked up in a psych ward from the time he was twelve years old. Jon Gosselin, as an alienated father who no longer had the financial power, legal resources, and network backing that Kate had, wound up basically helpless to protect his kids. Meanwhile, because he had been on the show, Jon’s personal life became tabloid fodder.

Although I did watch the Duggars, back in the day, I never watched the Gosselins on TLC. As a childless person, their show never really appealed to me. I was interested in the Duggars only because I find weird religions interesting. I do consider fundie Christianity to be “weird”, especially because it’s often intertwined with greed and abuse. As someone with a background in social work and public health, those are topics that interest me.

Now that I’ve read Collin Gosselin’s book, I am slightly more interested in what was shown on Jon & Kate Plus 8, although I doubt I’ll seek out any episodes or clips from that show. What I’ve seen of Kate Gosselin is not appealing to me. In my opinion, she seems very narcissistic and controlling. My own husband was alienated from his children, so I don’t enjoy watching parents who perpetuate that kind of abuse. I also don’t like giving supply to narcissists, which is ultimately what they all crave.

I do believe Collin’s story, and I think In the Shadow of Eight is decently written. I saw one review on Amazon that mentioned the book might have been partially written by AI. I did not get that sense myself, although I will admit that I don’t have that much experience with reading things that were written with the help of AI. Gosselin did have a ghostwriter, so I’m not sure why he’d be using AI, if there was a professional writer involved with this project.

I do feel like this book is somewhat less detailed than it should be. Granted, Collin is only 22 years old, at this writing, and still has his whole life ahead of him. He’s also not a professional author. I’m sure some of his memories are so painful that he didn’t want to write about them. But I felt like some of the situations he wrote about were a bit glossed over, given the number of situations he endured.

On the other hand, Collin Gosselin has already given up a lot of his privacy, no thanks to his parents, who put him on a reality show when he was just a toddler. Had he not been on the reality show, perhaps he would have been able to fulfill his dreams of being a Marine. Maybe he and his mother would have still had problems. There might have still been significant abuse, as well. Collin did write that CPS (or CYS) did visit and investigate his mother several times.

Collin writes that he doesn’t think his mother likes him, which is something I can relate to. I never thought my father liked me very much, either. But, below is a passage that really kind of chilled me. Gosselin had read a book about his mother that was written by a journalist named Hoffman. Hoffman claimed that he’d gone through Kate’s trash and compiled his unauthorized book about her motivations:

Collin Gosselin admits that Hoffman seems kind of shady, but some of his book rang true to him and shed some light on why Kate seemed to be fixated so much on breaking his spirit. Hoffman also wrote about Kate’s father, who was apparently very strict and kind of mean.

According to Hoffman, Kate had once said that she was afraid she was acting like her father, who had been “tough” on her. She also claimed that Collin was “angry” and “violent”. If that’s true, perhaps she was projecting her memories of her father on her son. Heaven knows, that can happen. It’s happened to me, and it’s also happened to my husband, Bill.

Overall

Personally, I liked Collin Gosselin’s book, In the Shadow of Eight, and consider it worthwhile reading for me. I’m interested in true stories, and I find celebrities interesting, even when they’re just reality TV stars.

Do I think it’s five star Pulitzer Prize winning material? No, of course not. But it’s reasonably well-written and interesting, and it does highlight the pitfalls of putting one’s children on the Internet or television for public consumption.

My heart goes out to Collin, Hannah, and their father, Jon. I also empatize with the other Gosselin children, who have also been caught up in this fiasco. It can’t be easy for them to have to choose between their mother and two of their siblings and father. I have watched my husband reconnect with one of his two daughters, who were forcibly alienated from him when they were children. Based on the stories we’ve heard over the past few years, I know it wasn’t easy for the kids, either.

And, as someone who has witnessed the aftereffects of a divorce, I also have great empathy for Jon’s ex girlfriend, Colleen, who was there to help Collin once Jon sprang him from the psych ward. Although she and Jon broke up, Collin remains close to Colleen, which is a testament to her devotion and kindness to him when he needed her. Kudos to Collin for recognizing Colleen’s positive contributions to his recovery.

Above all, I think it’s great that Collin is making himself heard, and standing up for his side of the story. I think the passage below sums things up nicely:

Bravo.

On a scale of one to five stars, I’d give In the Shadow of Eight four stars, and a hearty recommendation.

Buy In the Shadow of Eight from Amazon.com.

As an Amazon Associate, I get a small commission from Amazon on sales made through my site.

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music, videos, YouTube

When October Goes…

Today, I decided to make my 1000th YouTube video, in lieu of writing a proper blog post. Because I had to learn a new song and croak it out, because I’m still a little bit sick, it took up most of the morning. My left ear is still a bit full, so I’ve got tinnitus, and I’m still just a little bit hoarse.

Below is my video, an explanataion, and the description…

For my 1000th video, I wanted to do something kind of special. A few weeks ago, I made an autumn playlist, and Bill and I played it while we were traveling. I had added songs with autumn themes, whether or not I knew them… and I got pretty desperate, because my collection has so many different renditions of “Autumn Leaves”.

I came across this lovely 1984 song by Barry Manilow called “When October Goes”, which he wrote based on a lyric Johnny Mercer started but never completed. Barry turned the song into a sentimental ballad that seemed to pair beautifully with the many incredible photos I’ve taken of different places in Europe since we moved back here in 2014. Many of the pictures are from Czechia, Croatia, Slovenia, Iceland, Austria, and Slovakia, but there are also a few from The Netherlands and Germany.

So, today’s video is photos of places in Europe we’ve been in the fall… paired with my croaking out “When October Goes”. I’m still a little bit sick, but I did my best. I wanted to do this before October 2026 actually goes…

At least the pictures are pretty… even if my voice isn’t right now.

LYRICS

And when October goes
The snow begins to fly
Above the smoky roofs
I watch the planes go by

The children running home beneath
A twilight sky
Oh, for the fun of them
When I was one of them

And when October goes
The same old dream appears
And you are in my arms
To share the happy years
I turn my head away to hide
The helpless tears
Oh, how I hate to see October go

And when October goes
The same old dream appears
And you are in my arms
To share the happy years
I turn my head away to hide
The helpless tears
Oh, how I hate to see October go

I should be over it now, I know
It doesn’t matter much how old I grow
I hate to see October go

And here’s Barry’s original…

What a lovely song… Maybe I’ll redo it when I’m 100 percent again.

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blog news, musings, wisdom

I wonder why people subscribe to this blog… 🤭

The featured photo was taken in Iceland, back in 2024… I probably should have bought that t-shirt.

Good morning, blog fans. It’s Tuesday, and I’ve done my Tuesday chores. I cleaned two of the bathrooms and did a load of laundry. I wrote one of my infamous ten things I learned posts for my travel blog. I listened to a great live album by Chick Corea as I wrote. I think maybe later, I might write a few hotel reviews for Trip Advisor, if I still have the will and the energy.

And now I’ve come to this blog. I noticed that I lost two subscribers a couple of days ago. I’m not upset about it. In fact, I don’t really pay attention to the number of subscribers to my blogs. That, in and of itself is unusual for me, because I do pay attention to things like friend counts on Facebook and subscribers on YouTube. But, for some reason, I have never paid much attention to the number of subscribers on my blogs. I’ve never encouraged people to subscribe, either. It kind of surprises me that people do subscribe.

I think it might be because I’ve never quite felt at home on the WordPress platform. When I used to write on Blogger, it wasn’t unusual for me to fall down a rabbit hole and write posts that were more engaging. I got a lot more hits on my posts, and more comments. But here, I get less engagement. It could be because people don’t seem to care much about blogs anymore. It might also be because I’ve lost some of my mojo.

If you know anything about this blog, you know that I started writing on WordPress because I had a “stalker”, of sorts, who was causing trouble for me offline. That situation is one of several “weird” situations I’ve been in during my lifetime. I never thought, back in 2014, when we first moved back to Germany, that my writings would cause someone to harass me. But that is what happened…

This person, who is now deceased, was someone from the Stuttgart military community who, along with her husband, once lived in the house Bill and I lived in before we moved. I had been sharing travel posts with the Stuttgart community in Facebook groups. She started following me, and, I think, later determined that she didn’t like me. She had formed an opinion of me that wasn’t really based in reality.

She was also buddies with our ex landlady… or so she told us. Ex landlady didn’t like me, either. I came to the conclusion that she, ex landlady, and one of ex landlady’s daughters were engaging in gossip and invading our privacy.

Well… I understand that not everyone likes me. I have kind of a strong personality, and I can be a bit obnoxious and eccentric. I’m not a perfect housekeeper. I don’t have a cute figure. I like dirty humor, and can be loud and opinionated. But, I swear to God, all we were looking for when we moved into that house was just a place to live. None of my other landlords/landladies cared about much more than us paying the rent on time. I never thought that writing would cause so much drama involving a person I barely knew.

When it became clear that the former tenant was surveilling me, I decided to move the blog to WordPress, which offers more security and is slightly less wonky than Blogspot is. But I’ve never quite felt at home on this platform, so although I write on it almost every day, it doesn’t seem like I’m as engaged or as invested as I used to be.

That might lead some people to wonder why I keep writing. I actually started blogging because of younger daughter, who had a blog. When I started blogging in 2010, I was pissed off at her. I knew I liked to write, and thought I should give it a try. The blog started off very lonely, with almost no one reading it. I didn’t even share it on Facebook. Slowly, it picked up readers, and reached a pinnacle when we lived in Stuttgart.

In March, this blog will be 17 years old… I still enjoy posting things like book reviews and the odd personal revelations. But I’m starting to wonder if I really should be writing. Do people actually like what I do? Do I like what I do?

I will state this. Even though our former landlady and her former tenant seemed to think I am a “hack”, my blog posts were very helpful when we ended up suing the ex landlady for our security deposit. I had pictures, written posts (with dates), and comments from former tenant that refuted the ex landlady’s claims against us. Obviously, blogging has some value to me, as well as to some of my readers.

I’m pretty sure the blog– as much as it allowed for privacy violations against us– also helped us get our money back from our ex landlady. Sure, it wasn’t without a lot of ass pain, but there is a great deal of satisfaction that comes from not allowing someone to take advantage. We learned a lot from that situation. There’s always a chance that others can learn from what we experienced.

But this blog is not very focused… I don’t write about anything specific. Neither you nor I will ever know what the topic will be, before I sit down to write. That may be why some people decided to unsubscribe… Fortunately, I don’t write for them. I write for me.

Blogging gives me something to do. It keeps my mind active. It gives me a place to express myself and vent my spleen. Sometimes, what I write pisses people off. I’ve lost “friends” because of my blog. I write “friends” in quotes, because I think a real friend who valued the relationship would have a conversation before shitcanning a so-called friend. But, as I’ve found out, and perhaps you have, too… real friends are a very rare find, especially in today’s world. Even your relatives may not really be true friends.

Anyway… it’s neither here nor there. I truly appreciate those who read my blog, find any value in it, and care about my thoughts. I especially appreciate those who consider my words and don’t automatically assume I’m a “bad” person (because I’m really not). At this point in my life, I don’t really care about being popular. I’m never going to be popular. I just want to have my say. That’s why I write.

As I write this… I kind of wish I had a therapist. I’d love to hash out some of this stuff with someone who might understand it and isn’t directly involved. I swear, there are some things that have happened in my life that I think would make an interesting novel… if I was arsed to write one.

I always thought maybe I would someday write a novel… but I think former tenant, even though she’s dead, kind of killed that spirit in me with what she did. She didn’t realize that she was damaging me… She thought I was a villain. Isn’t it interesting how people can have such wildly different perspectives on things? Ah well. I’m genuinely sorry she took the tragic path she did… especially for her sons. But I am relieved that I no longer have to worry about her harassing me (although I’m sure she didn’t consider what she did “harassment”).

So, if you’re still here, thank you for showing up. Someday soon, I hope I can move back to the days when writing was exciting and fun., and not everything was about politics.

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Wallet, calculator, coffee mug, and stack of bills on a wooden table
future, modern problems, money

I wouldn’t want to be young these days… 😳

This morning, as I was sitting at the breakfast table, I noticed an article on Facebook by USA Today.

This was a problem when I was younger. It seems much worse today.

The article, which was written by Jessica Guynn, is about how relentless inflation and layoffs are pushing people in the prime of their lives toward the edge of financial collapse. People who should be ripe for starting careers are experiencing terrible hardships as companies lay them off, and they can’t find new jobs.

As I read Guynn’s article, which continually references people working in “roles”, rather than in “jobs”, I couldn’t help but feel some anxiety. I’ve been where those young people are, but I had some breaks that helped me get through those times. And then I met Bill, and fell into this “overeducated housewife” gig I’ve been in for so long. 🙄

I roll my eyes, but I can’t really complain. I spent years preparing for life in the rat race, only to end up married to an Army dude who moved me all over the place. If I hadn’t met Bill, I’d probably be in the same situation so many people are in right now. The job market in the United States is brutal, and everything costs so much more right now, thanks to Trump and his stupidity. I can’t help but feel very fortunate, even as I worry about what could be on the horizon.

Even over here, Bill has felt the squeeze. He’s very busy at his job, and they could use another person or two to help carry the load. However, Europe is not a priority, even though there’s still lots of work to do. So Bill and his co-workers are doing the work that probably should be done by more people. It means constantly having to attend conferences and a lot of traveling. The silver lining is, he gets paid extra for the trips.

It’s not easy for the elderly, either. This morning, I happened to catch a video by Elder Gal, a woman I sometimes follow on YouTube. She’s in her 70s and lives off social security and whatever she can get from her YouTube channels. The IRS is now hounding her for taxes.

It’s difficult to listen to Allison. She’s having a rough go of things.

As I listen to and read these dire statements on life in the United States these days, I can’t help but be shocked that people in the government are pushing for more babies to be born. It seems like the greedy corporations want to replace everyone with robots and AI, so people don’t have the ability to support themselves. They make everything very expensive and inaccessible. And then they wonder why people are so unhappy.

I really hope that people wise up in the coming days and vote for better leaders… or at least leaders who are humane. I think a large part of the reason why things are so hard right now is because our country is being led by a malignant narcissist, and his policies have made things needlessly more difficult than they should be. But I’m also no fool… it’s always been hard to launch.

I’ve been extraordinarily fortunate… but you never know when luck will run out. I really do hope things will get better for those who are struggling so hard right now. I’m 54, and I’ve never owned a home. At this point, I doubt I ever will own one. It’s probably better to be able to move freely… and somehow try to weather these stormy times. And once again, I realize that as much as I hoped and expected to have children some day, it’s probably a blessing that I never did.

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Winding road with glowing lights through a misty autumn woodland
elections, Obama, Trump

I think I’m on the mend…

The AI image looks a little like the weather today. It’s wet, cloudy, and rainy. Oops… just as I wrote that, the sun came out. Maybe it’s a good omen!

In just a few minutes, it will be afternoon here in Germany. Bill and I slept in again today, as we both fight off the remnants of this virus we’ve had since we got home from our vacation. My ears keep popping, but my coughing is not as violent as it was. I still have a cough, mind you, but I don’t have to cough as much now. So, with any luck, I’ll be well enough to go back to making music in a day or two.

I continue to be shocked by the desperation of the Trump regime. They aren’t even trying to hide their dirty tricks and corruption now. As Barack Obama stirs up crowds at a rally in Ohio, saying that Trump has got the White House looking like Saddam Hussein opened up a Cheesecake Factory, Trump is doubling down on his stupidity… Imagine the nerve of this buffoon, saying that Obama was “grossly incompetent.” Wow… talk about delusional!

Trump hasn’t done a fucking thing to make life better for Americans. Instead, he’s been lying, cheating, stealing, and covering up crimes– his own, and those of his “buddies”. The man is the absolute WORST president in US history. It’s time he went down. But I have no doubt that he will try everything he can to mess with the midterms.

One thing that keeps me going during this time is the realization that Trump is an old, sick, man, who grows weaker, dumber, and more desperate by the day. I would be much more worried if Trump were younger and stronger than he is… but as it is now, his power is obviously fading. It’s all unraveling… Inevitably, he’s about to be history. It’s just a matter of time, and he knows it. Otherwise, he would not have put this on the Internet…

It’s time he got deported to HELL…

This isn’t to say we don’t have a lot of shit to fix, or that there isn’t any danger. There are a lot of Trump affiliated people who are desperate to cling to power and stay out of prison. I just think Trump’s time is ending, and he’s about to run out of life. He’s spiraling more and more on a daily basis, making himself look more and more ridiculous by the minute.

So… I will take this opportunity to encourage you to get out and vote, if you haven’t already. Let’s show this orange motherfucker who is really in charge. We can’t let him destroy the country. He’s a BUFFOON who deserves nothing but mockery. Boy do I miss Obama, who was a much better president and is a far finer person than Trump could ever aspire to be.

And with that, I’m going to log off and rest up a bit more. Hopefully, by tomorrow, this sickness will be gone and I’ll be back to my old self. Maybe in the near future, the United States can shake off the sickness of the MAGA movement. I sure hope so.

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