Happy Tuesday to you all. It’s another cool, breezy morning here in Deutschland. Bill and I spent our first night on a brand new mattress topper I ordered from the US Amazon site. The old one was purchased in March 2023, just before our sweet dog, Arran, passed.

After 3.5 years, that mattress topper had become a bit worn out and dented. So I bought a new one, and it arrived yesterday. Poor Bill had a hell of a time lugging it home, because it was pretty heavy and cumbersome. But he did manage to get it here, and we set it up with freshly washed sheets. I think he enjoyed a better sleep. I didn’t, unfortunately, because of the fucking mosquitos that keep biting me. Fortunately, it will soon be cold enough to stop using the air conditioner and shut the balcony door.

What’s that got to do with my title? Well, not that much, except to point out that sometimes men are truly good. I found a very good man. I realized I was very lucky, and believe me, when I think of those who would eventually be “lucky in love”, I never thought I’d be among that crowd. I wasn’t exactly a “hot number”, back in the day. 🙄 I’m definitely not one now, either. Still, I got lucky in love, and found myself a “good” man. In November, we will celebrate 24 years of a fairly blissful marriage.

So, again… if that’s my reality, what’s with the post title?

This morning, I saw a reel on Facebook that gave me pause.

She’s not necessarily wrong… but this is not guaranteed to happen. Aside from that, sometimes even when you do have a plan, things can still go awry.

The above reel is by a very well spoken woman warning other women about the dangers of the “trad wife” fad. The woman tells a horror story of a woman who has a master’s degree in education and a law degree. She met her husband in law school. He wanted a traditional wife. They got married, and she didn’t take the bar or start a career. Instead, she had five children and stayed home.

Fifteen years later, the woman caught her husband husband cheating on her and now they’re splitting up. This lady telling the horror story says that the woman has “nothing”. She has “no experience”. She is “screwed”, because she married a dirtbag (my word) who is attempting to leave her high and dry. 🤔 Dirtbag husband has a $300,000 job that he got, courtesy of one of the moms in his wife’s “mom” group.

The woman in the video goes on to warn young women NOT to become “trad wives”. She says they need to focus on themselves, start careers of their own, keep up their skills, and never let a man “trap” them in a “trad wife” lifestyle.

Well… as someone who kind of lives a little like a “trad wife”, I just want to add my own two cents. First off, just to be clear– I never had any intention of being a “trad wife”. I also don’t actually consider myself a “trad wife”. I’m not putting on dresses, makeup, and high heels, serving my husband hot apple pie. But I am a housewife, even though that wasn’t my plan, either. 🤷‍♀️

Here’s what I would say to/about the woman in the horror story.

First off… the woman in the above story does not have “nothing“. She still has two advanced degrees! Is she up-to-date on her skills? Maybe not, but she can take refresher courses. As a mother of five, she certainly has some experience in education, even if it’s not through paid work. Nowadays, there are more solutions than ever to improve and update one’s credentials, although sadly, getting a good job is hard for everybody right now.

Secondly, if she went to law school– especially if she graduated– she must know that her husband can’t just leave her high and dry. This would be a time when, perhaps, her “mom” friends can help her out. Divorce lawyers can’t work on a contingency basis, but there are organizations who can help the woman in this story get what she needs. As someone who went to law school, she’s probably in the best situation to help herself. She’s definitely better off than someone who got married straight out of high school. Surely, she has the research skills and a few connections to find some way to divorce her husband without being totally screwed. She might even consider consulting a social worker. Social workers are great at finding free and low cost resources for people in trouble.

Now… here’s what I will say about MY situation…

I’m not gonna lie. There have been many times in my marriage when I’ve worried about what I would do if my marriage didn’t work out. It IS something to consider. Marriage probably is overrated, especially these days, as Republicans do their best to try to wrangle women back into the kitchen.

However, because I tend to get anxious about things, I have proactively made some provisions in case something disastrous happens. Here’s a brief list:

• I prioritized paying off debt. It wasn’t easy, especially in our learn early years, but I made a point of paying off my student loans as soon as possible. I don’t carry credit card debt, although I DO have credit cards, and the one with the highest limit is in my own name. All women should, at least, have a credit card in their own name for emergencies. All women should also make sure to have a credit rating– preferably a good one. 😉
  *
  
• I saved up money in my OWN bank account. Granted, this was possible because Bill is a total mensch, and he lets me save money from his salary. If you’re with someone who wants you to stay home, but doesn’t understand your absolute need for money that only you have access to, that’s when you should consider ending the relationship. Have that discussion BEFORE you get married. You might even want to draw up a contract.
  *
  
• I did not go into debt to have children. I wanted children, but due to Bill’s decision to have a vasectomy when he was married previously, it wasn’t going to be possible without medical intervention. Bill had a reversal done free of charge, thanks to the Army. It didn’t work. I accepted that, and did not undergo expensive procedures so I could have a baby. I realize that is a personal choice, but for me, it made no sense to go deeper into debt so I could have children. I know people who have children courtesy of their credit cards. I’m sure they are grateful they were able to do that, but it wasn’t something I was comfortable doing, myself. I have a strong aversion to being in debt to corporations.
  *
  
• I waited until marriage to have sex. I write this because it’s the truth, although I know that most people can’t or won’t do it, themselves. I think waiting until marriage, or at least a commitment, for sex was a very good decision. It had nothing to do with religion or anything like that. It was a pragmatic decision. I just didn’t want to have casual sex with anyone. Sex can make your life VERY complicated, especially when you have it with someone you don’t like that much. Risking an unintended pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases is pretty foolish, especially nowadays. That being said, I know that people are going to have sex. I hope they use birth control AND insist on condom use.
  *
  
• I have my own car, and it’s paid for. This is a MUST. If you need to escape, especially if you live in the United States, where public transportation isn’t that good, you need to have a car.
  *
  
• We don’t have a mortgage. Again, some people might disagree with this. I always wanted my own house, and I hope someday we will have one. However, owning a home, especially when you’re a global nomad, is an expensive burden. And since we don’t have children together, there’s really no sense in taking on that burden. I think it’s less stressful to rent, especially if you have a great landlord (which, at this point, we do).
  *
  
• We are well insured, and as an Army retiree’s wife, I’ll get benefits, as long as I don’t remarry. I highly doubt I would want to do that, anyway. One wedding was definitely enough! Bill enrolled in the Survivor Benefits Plan, so I would get part of his retirement pay if he passes before me. If he dies, I also get to keep my TRICARE coverage, as long as I don’t remarry before age 55. I’m 54 now. We definitely aren’t going to get divorced. 🤷‍♀️
  *
  
• Finally… once we had some extra money, I invested. It started with about $1,000, but it’s now grown to over $100,000. I am actually kind of amazed by it, because I initially invested money in 2012, because I was curious about it. It’s nice to have that money now.
  *
  

I keep busy doing things that I’m good at and love, like writing and making music. I invest in my interests. If something were to happen to Bill, it would be devastating and life changing. But as a housewife, I’m not going to be in a desperate situation, right off the bat. At least not at this point in time. Things can and do change.

The last thing I want to state is that I would NOT trade my years of being an overeducated housewife and traveling through Europe for working in a cubicle for someone else! I just wouldn’t. 🤷‍♀️

I know some people would scoff at me for that, but it’s absolutely been worth it to me to be available for trips with Bill through Europe. This is something that can never be taken away. One can even argue that being able to document those trips through photos and blog posts is useful for other people besides me. That is, in and of itself, a kind of “work”. It even earns AdSense pennies. 🤣

I write this post not to offer advice, per se. I know that not everyone can do what I’ve managed to do. I guess what I’m trying to say is that there’s more than one way to get through life. Sometimes, you can bust your ass at a career, trying to set yourself up for success, and shit still happens. A woman can do all she can to make sure she won’t be trapped, only to run into unforeseen circumstances. Post divorce financial hardship happens to men, too, even the ones with good careers. Just ask Bill.

I do realize that I am VERY lucky. I found a faithful husband who is very good to me. I know he’s faithful because he’s literally by my side almost every night. On the nights he’s not with me physically, he’s chatting with me. 🤭 Sometimes, I don’t even want to chat with him… but he always contacts me every night from his trips. I trust him implicitly, and so far, he’s proven to me that he’s 100 percent worthy of my trust. And again… I understand that makes me VERY lucky, indeed. I don’t know what I did to deserve him, or if I even do… but he is one hell of a great husband!

I just don’t think it’s helpful to blame people for things that happen to them, unless they’ve truly done unwise things. The woman described in the above reel does not sound like someone who was “unwise.” She DID go to school. She IS educated. She WILL be okay, eventually. Hopefully, she has her wits about her, and some people in her life who are willing and able to help. As for her dirtbag husband, I suspect karma will catch up will him, soon. 😉